


Candle in the Darkness

by ladyville



Category: Lord - Fandom, The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:41:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 43,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28256370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyville/pseuds/ladyville
Summary: Lara, wife of marchwarden Haldir, struggles with the pressures in her marriage. When the loss of a child nearly destroys their bond, can Haldir and his wife find a way to repair their marriage and family?
Relationships: Haldir of Lothlórien/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all!
> 
> This story in AU so don't be surprised that it doesn't follow the canon.
> 
> This is a story about Haldir and his wife's marriage, and how they navigate a very difficult and dark time. Warning/spoiler: does contain themes of death (pregnancy loss), depression.
> 
> \-----There are a series of flashbacks in this story, which I've separated from the rest of the story with lines ----
> 
> SPOILER: fear not! it's going to have a happy ending in the end
> 
> Please leave me a review to say what you think!

Lara smiled as she watched her son climb a nearby tree. She had given up trying to get the elfling to stay still, patience was not a trait the child was good at, and for that she only had herself to blame for he surely inherited it from her.  
“Toberion, be careful of the branches” she reminded the child wearily. He seemed not to heed her warning as he climbed even higher. She sighed and did not force the issue. Her son was an energetic child, and she would not stifle his joy. But she was so tired. She was in her seventh month of pregnancy. Unlike with her first born, she was constantly nauseated, fatigued, and her feet were inexplicably swollen. It was hard on her, taking care of her son alone.

She was not actually alone though, she had a husband. He was just absent, quite frequently. Such was the price of being married to the marchwarden. Haldir was often away, on patrol, inspecting the troops, meeting with other elven realms to coordinate their defences. When Haldir was away, the domestic duties fell squarely on his wife Lara.  
“When is Ada getting here?” Toberion asked, for what felt like the hundredth time since they had arrived at the city’s gates.  
“Soon Toby, he’ll be here soon” Lara answered, hoping inwardly it was true. It was an unspoken custom that wives and children of the soldiers of the Galadhrim waited for their loved ones’ return from the borders at the city gates. The elven warriors lived a life of sacrifice, time away from their families, to protect their people and serve their realm. Thus, when they returned from a rotation at the fences, their loves ones awaited them with wreaths of flowers to show gratitude for their bravery and to welcome them home. Those without wives relied on sisters, mothers. If a soldier had neither, then the young maidens who weaved the wreaths would step in to place the garland around their neck. This custom was repeated upon the departure of the soldier for the fences as well.  
As the marchwarden’s wife, she felt an innate pressure to project the duty and strength that Haldir was so well known and respected for. Even though she was tired, bloated, and swollen and wanted nothing more than to lay down in her own bed, Lara felt like she really didn’t have a choice but to show up at the city gates, child in tow. She unconsciously rubbed her swollen belly, the child she was carrying was kicking vigorously, as if demanding her attention. She was entirely miserable. Just a little longer, Haldir will be home soon and then everything will be fine, she told herself. Valar she missed him. She needed his company, to feel his love, to know he still desired her.  
Her husband had missed Toberion’s birth, having had to lead the elven troops into the final (and ultimately victorious) battle against Sauron. He had come home a decorated hero. All in the realm had thought it was a perfect homecoming when the marchwarden was presented with his newborn son upon return to Lothlorien. Lara knew that they did not see the hours of paralyzing worry that had hung over the last weeks of her first pregnancy, the pain of a long labor she had to endure alone. All they saw was the marchwarden, his dutiful wife, and their beautiful new baby.

This time, she had planned her pregnancy so that Haldir would be home as she neared the end. She wanted him in the birthing room with her, she didn’t want to be alone again. Her husband had thought she worried too much, planning her pregnancy to the last detail. She felt he didn’t understand what it was like to be so alone and vulnerable. Haldir was so brave that nothing seemed to scare him, Lara could not say the same for herself.  
It wasn’t the first time Lara had mused about how two opposite people had ended up bonded to each other. He was dutiful, brave, and strong. She was bookish ad slightly timid, Yet inexplicably, he had chosen to love her. She remembered vividly the first day their courtship began.

\-----

_Lara bounded quickly and energetically up the front steps of her best friend’s telain. He had promised to meet her out front, but he was nowhere to be found. Impatient, Lara decided to knock on the door to hurry him along. When the door opened, it wasn’t her best friend greeting her._   
_“Hello Lara, are you looking for Orophin?” the handsome ellon asked. It was Orophin’s oldest brother, Haldir. The soldier was still wearing his training uniform, fresh from a day’s hard work at the Galadhrim training grounds. His large, taut muscles were well outlined by his tunic. The sword still hung at his waist, he hadn’t had time to remove it yet._   
_Lara, a young elleth who had just come of age, was staring at Haldir, speechless. She had known him her whole life. He was her best friend’s older brother. He was the ellon who grumbled about having to watch his youngest brother and his friend when his parents were busy. He had gotten into trouble once, when she fell and cut her knee under his watch. Sheremembered how he had picked her up sobbing, and gently carried her back to his telan. He had dressed her wound with care and then wiped the wet tears off her flushed cheeks. He had apologized for not looking after her, and borne his mother’s fury for her mishap. Yes, she was in love with Haldir. Yet she thought then it was but a fantasy. Lara was tomboy-ish, opinionated, well read and smart. Not qualities she felt Haldir would want in a mate. No, he would want someone truly beautiful, demure, well mannered._

_“Lara? Are you looking for Phin? He’s just getting ready, Nana told him he couldn’t come out until he folded his laundry” Haldir said, wondering why the elleth in front of him was simply staring._   
_“Oh, um, I’ll wait out for him then” Lara managed to choke out. “What are you doing here?” she then blurted out. Haldir studied the elleth carefully. It was obvious she was surprised to find him at his parents telan, he lived alone close to the army barracks, having moved out of his parents’ home a decade earlier. He had known her since she was a babe, being cradled by her mother. They were frequent visitors at Haldir’s childhood home. His brother, Orophin, was the same age and their mothers enjoyed each other’s company. Naturally, Lara and Orophin had become friends. She was close and got along well with the middle brother, Rumil, as well. Haldir though, was the eldest. He had been born with a sense of duty. Idolizing his father, who was a soldier, Haldir had known from an early age that he was destined to follow his father’s path. The age gap between him and his two younger brothers was wider than between the younger two sons. He didn’t play games with them or share their frivolity._   
_Haldir had always been protective of Lara, because his family thought of her as a daughter. As she got older, Haldir saw her transform into a beautiful elleth. She was smart (much better read than anyone in his family), curious, outspoken. He admired her. When she began to attract the attention of the ellons her age, Haldir was surprised to find himself inexplicably jealous of the attention the other males were getting._   
_“I came by for a snack. I found no food in my pantry” Haldir answered her question sheepishly._   
_“You’ve been too busy training?” she asked._   
_“Aye, I desperately wanted a home cooked meal.” He admitted._   
_“How long before you go back to the fences?” Lara asked, she was always so inquisitive._   
_“Next week” he answered. Then he mustered up his courage (how could this be so difficult when he has faced death and orcs!). The soldier looked back at the telan, ensuring they were alone. “Listen Lara, would – would you hand me my garland next week. Before I leave for the borders?”_   
_Lara blinked in surprise. A soldier asking an elleth to place the traditional garland on him as he departed for the fences was a gesture of affection. It signalled the two were courting._   
_“Why – why me?” she stammered, flushing red._   
_“Because, I like you” he answered softly. “Will you do it?”_   
_Before she could answer, Orophin bounded onto the porch. “Sorry Lara, Nana would NOT let me leave without folding my laundry! Hurry, we’re going to be late meeting everyone else” the youngest brother called as he began to run down the path. Lara shot Haldir one last look before running after him._   
_She had shown up the following week. Many eyebrows were raised when Haldir walked up to her and knelt, waiting for her to place the garland of flowers and leaves on his brow. Lara could not believe it either. Of all the elleths in the woods, Haldir had chosen to love her._

_\--------_

The gates of the city swung open and a stream of soldiers walked through. Lara received a garland handed to her by one of the elleths and craned her neck to find her husband. She didn’t need to do so, as Toberion had spotted his father already.  
“Ada! ADA!” the child yelled, waving his hands before running excitedly into his father’s arms. Haldir received his son with a laugh, picked up his small body and spun him around. The child squealed in delight. His face suddenly shed the worries of his job as he was reminded of the people he worked so fiercely to protect. Lara took longer to reach him, her belly swaying gently in front of her.  
“Welcome home meleth, we have missed you” she said softly, giving him a kiss on the lips. She stepped into his embrace and took a deep breath in. His scent calmed her immediately.  
“I am glad to be home” Haldir smiled.  
Lara had dinner ready and kept warm in the oven when they arrived home. She served the family and ate slowly as her husband and son dug hungrily into the food. It was not lost on Haldir that his wife was mostly picking at the food, eating only small bites.  
“Does the food not agree with you?” He asked.  
“No it’s fine, I’m just quite nauseous” she answered.  
“Should you see the healer?” Haldir suggested, putting his fork down and gazing worriedly at her.  
“It’s been so this whole pregnancy Hal. I have to eat small amounts frequently is all” She reassured him. Haldir felt a pang of guilt. So frequently he had been gone during her pregnancy that he did not know she was still having morning sickness.  
When the plates were washed and cleared away and Toberion had been coaxed into bed, the couple found themselves alone in their bedroom for the first time in months. Lara looked lovingly at her husband, and leaned in for a kiss. He eagerly returned and traced his hand down her spine, sending a shiver in its wake. Lara groaned in arousal and undid her nightshirt. She kissed him harder and pressed herself against him, making her desire clear. To her surprise and consternation Haldir took a step back and released her. She looked at him, confusion all over her face. He had never refused her before.  
“Meleth, we shouldn’t. It’s not good for the baby” he said, trying to let her down gently. “You ought to rest.” He added.  
A surge of anger shot through her. How would he know what was good for her or what she needed. He didn’t come to her appointments with the healers! He was never home! But instead, she awkwardly buttoned up her night shirt. They got into bed and went to sleep wordlessly. Lara could not push the disappointment out of her mind. He had never refused her before, she reminded herself miserably as she drifted off to sleep.


	2. chapter 2

The coolness between husband and wife did not mellow in the following days. Though Haldir was home, Lara still felt the chasm between them. Her husband was dutiful, even at home. He helped with the household chores, spent time with and took care of their son – nothing could be said about the marchwarden not being anything but the most responsible husband. Lara had realized at some point, a dutiful husband was no longer enough. She wanted him to show her his affection, she wanted to be the object of his desires, she wanted him to know that she too made sacrifices for their family. For the first time in their marriage, she felt an emptiness between them. It had not always been so.

\-------

_“Hal, stop torturing me. Did you find it or not?” Lara huffed impatiently. She flopped herself onto warden’s sofa and threw him her best pleading look._   
_Haldir smirked, and from behind his back produced a book. He had just returned from a trip to Gondor, where he had fulfilled a special mission for Lara in procuring the tome. The elleth squealed with excitement and launched herself off the couch to snatch the book from him. Just at the right moment, the warden pulled the book back, out of her reach._   
_“But first, I demand payment” he said sagely. With a tap of his finger on his lips, he indicated the price would be a kiss. Lara giggled and gave him a hasty kiss, while at the same time reaching for the book. As soon as the desired object was in hand, she spun around and began to read._   
_“I have never seen an elleth so entranced by the literature of men” Haldir mused._   
_“That is because most elleth do not know the common tongue” Lara replied, without looking up. “A shame really, because their books are so interesting. Delightful really” she added, her head still buried in the book._   
_“Shall I expect not to see you for the next several days, until you are finished?” Haldir asked, with an eyebrow raised._   
_“Mmmhmm” Lara murmured, clearly not listening to him._   
_They had been spending time together for several years now. It had started with Haldir’s departure for a routine turn at the fences. The lieutenant of the Galadhrim had taken roll call of the soldiers in his patrol at the city gates. With everyone accounted for, the garland ceremony began. As was custom, the lieutenant who was the leader of the patrol went last. In every ceremony Haldir had taken part in before that one, he had knelt before a maiden who weaved the garlands. He had heard his soldiers tease that the garland maidens usually jostled fiercely for the position, though he never paid it any heed. That day, his eyes searched for Lara. He found her standing nervously in the midst of the crowd of assembled well-wishers. He wordlessly stepped toward her. Astonished elves parted to let him through until he was in front of her. She looked surprised, as if she didn’t really believe it was going to happen until that moment. Then, he kneeled in front of her and bowed his head expectantly. A murmur went through the crowd, no doubt before sunset, all of Caras Galadhon would know that Haldir had an interest in a maiden._   
_Lara for her part, awkwardly placed the garland on his brow. “May you return safely lieutenant” she said softly, placing her hand in his outstretched palm. He took it and gave her a kiss. Their first kiss technically. Lara had been there for every garland ceremony after that. They had been seeing much of each other in the last several years. Haldir was immensely proud to have the affection of such a smart elleth. In fact, he frequently felt his intellect fall far short of hers. She was well read and well educated, and harbored no hesitation in expressing her opinions. He had never met an elleth like her._   
_The elleth felt the warden’s arms envelope her. His breath tickled her neck. She smiled and turned her head so that their lips met._   
_“I love you. I want you to know that everything that I am is yours” Haldir said seriously, after a moment. Lara’s eyes widened in surprise. They had been courting for several years, a blink in the eyes of their immortality. Yet, she could not imagine being without him. Lara felt privileged to know the private Haldir, the side that only the people closest to him knew. The Galadhrim consumed almost all of his existence, and he had risen through the ranks quickly as a result. There was no doubt he was a talented and brave soldier. But Lara also got to see the other side. He was fiercely loyal, protective of his close friends and family, and (as would surprise many) very affectionate._   
_“I love you too Hal” she said easily. She moved to kiss him again, with more passion and urgency this time. His hands explored her curves, but pausing at her chest. He was waiting for permission she realized, and she readily gave it by taking his hand into hers and guiding them to where she knew he desired to be._

\-------

Lara could not pinpoint exactly where she lost her sense of passion for her marriage. It was a slow and subtle. Haldir was promoted to marchwarden, the leader of all the forces of the Galadhrim shortly before the final battle for Middle Earth. As he had moved up the ranks, he gained more responsibility. His time at home ebbed away slowly after they married. He was fighting for the very survival of their people, Lara could not take him away from that. Then, they learned they were expecting their first child. What should have been a joyful time of rest and indulgence for her could not have been more stark. Middle Earth was on the brink of Sauron’s domination, her husband was leading troops into what would likely be a bloody battle. What could she do but put her own feelings aside?  
“Nana! Can we go to the stream today?” Toberion asked. He loved to run barefoot in its cool water, and catch tadpoles. Most of the time this led to splashes, a sopping wet child, and no tadpoles.  
Lara smiled. “Of course darling, I’ll pack a picnic for us. Go get ready, don’t forget to bring your net for the tadpoles.”  
Toby flashed him a toothy grin. “Ada, will you be coming too?” he asked hopefully.  
Haldir studied Lara carefully. She made no move to encourage him. She was still smarting from his rejection. He seemed to sense what she was feeling.  
“Ada needs to do some work today. But how about we go for ice cream after dinner tonight?” He offered. This was gladly accepted their son.  
So, the couple spent the day apart. While at the creek, Lara briefly pondered what Haldir had to work on, but she really had no inkling as he long ago stopped sharing the details of his job with her. It was something else she disliked. Haldir had always said he admired her intellect, yet he did not discuss the politics or tactics that was his job. She knew he was deliberately excluding her from it. The day was exhausting for Lara. The trek to and from the stream was much harder than Lara had remembered. Perhaps it was because she made it while heavily and unbearably pregnant. After dinner, just when she saw the ability to retire for the night, Toberion had reminded his parents of the ice cream debt they owed him.  
The walk to the creamery was one walk too many for Lara’s spirits that day. She was in no talking mood as she trudged along the forested paths along her husband and son. Haldir had carried Toberion on his shoulders, sparing Lara from having to pick him up at least. At the creamery, she declined an ice cream.  
“Surely, you must want some. As I recall, you quite enjoy strawberry” Haldir offered.  
“It makes me nauseous Haldir” she snapped. “If you were around at all you’d know that” she muttered under her breath. If he heard her, he did not let on. He made sure they never fought in front of Toberion. The lack of reaction irritated her even more.  
They maintained their tense co-existence for the next week. It would boil over the night her pregnancy entered its eighth month.  
Haldir had said almost nothing during the entire dinner. Toberion had chattered away about his adventures that afternoon with the other elflings. Lara knew her husband well enough to have noticed something troubled him as soon as he returned home that evening. It had been another day apart. Haldir and his brother Rumil had spent the entire day on some errand. She didn’t ask the specifics, they didn’t volunteer. She knew her husband could not be pushed, he would share his news when he felt the time was right. Apparently, desert was the right time. Their son had finished his meal and had occupied himself with his toys in the adjacent room.  
The marchwarden put his fork down, leaving his pie untouched. He sighed. “Lara, the Lord and Lady received a message from Lord Elrond yesterday. He is holding a summit of the elven realms to discuss working together on the orc patrols. Sauron is gone but countless orcs still roam Middle Earth” he began. His wife gave no response, only the silent permission to continue. “I am to represent Lorien. I leave in 3 days.”  
Lara furrowed her brows. The journey to Rivendell alone was weeks. When the math materialized in her mind, she realized what he was telling her. “You’re not going to be here for the birth” she said furiously.  
His silence confirmed her statement. He looked down at his plate, motionless. The lack of emotion caused her even more consternation. Didn’t he care she was upset? “Can’t someone else go?” she demanded.  
“You know there is no one else” he said quietly. Still in complete control of his feelings. Lara, on the other hand, was losing grip on hers.  
“You lead a whole army of soldiers, you’re saying there is not one other elf that can go?” she shook.  
“Lara, I command the army. It is my task. It is my duty” he explained.  
“I know all about your duty to our people. I have lived it enough! What about your duty to our family?” she raised her voice. Haldir winced.  
“Meleth, please don’t get upset. It’s not good for the baby” he pleaded quietly.  
“What do you care about this baby! You have not done anything for your children as of late. It has been me, I am the one here everyday Haldir, not you!” she was outright shouting now.  
“That is not fair Lara” her husband began. His calm demeanor only worsening her temper.  
“What is not fair is your complete disregard for your family! If I’d known, I would never had married you!” She had done it now. She knew it would hurt him deeply. She said it because she wanted him to hurt as she was hurting. It was childish, but Lara didn’t care. Couldn’t her husband show her some emotion, anything?!


	3. chapter 3

The coolness in their marriage was now ice. Lara had frozen him out. She did not speak to him for the 3 days that he had left in Lothlorien with them. She was punishing him, for all the things she thought were wrong with her marriage. Haldir bore it silently. He did not allow any household chores to lapse and continued to care for their son. It angered her even more that her husband showed no outward sign of distress.  
Lara found herself back at the city gates sending off her husband much sooner than she would have anticipated when she welcomed him home just the week prior. It was a small party making the journey to Imladris, Haldir and two of his captains. Lara found herself staring emotionlessly at the loving farewells between the captains and their wives. She currently had no such emotion for her husband. His brothers, Orophin and Rumil had come to see him off as well. Rumil was accompanied by his wife Inaya. Lara was glad to have another elleth in the family, Inaya was kind hearted and patient. Rumil and Inaya did not yet have children. On some days Lara felt a twinge of jealousy of their lack of responsibilities. She loved her son dearly of course, but she had paid a high price for his arrival.

\-----

_“Lara, you are most talented” Elyna praised. Lara had been apprenticing with the chief archivist of Lorien for a decade now. It was her dream job. Lothlorien was famed for its massive and valuable collection of books and documents, some dating back to the beginning of Middle Earth. It was a treasure trove for those who studied history and languages. Lara had been selected from a competitive field of applicants for the apprenticeship. She had distinguished herself in the application process for speaking the most languages, being the most well educated and hardest working. It was no easy feat in a job that was dominated by ellon. Elyna though, was an exception. Lara looked up to her boss, Elyna was at the top of her field and unapologetic for it. She ran the archives with military precision, expecting excellence from everyone: from docent to senior archivist. As a result, the reputation of the institution had grown into legendary status. If a scholar wanted to locate or interpret a particular document, Lorien’s archives were the place to go. Elyna had great hopes that her protégé would one day succeed her. But those hopes had been dashed by Lara became pregnant. With Haldir constantly away in battle and the war drawing ever closer to Lorien, Lara had decided to step away from the archives so that she may devote her time to her baby and husband._   
_Lara and Elyna were sitting in the elder’s office after a long day’s work cataloging Rohirric law books. Some might have wondered why the elven archives would carry the works of men, but none dared pose Elyna that question out loud. It was Lara’s last day at the archives. The baby was due any day._   
_“Do you know why this work is important? Why we just spent the whole day on Rohirric law books?” Elyna asked, peering over the stacks of documents on her desk._   
_“For the service of those who may need the knowledge within it. That is the reason we preserve all our documents” Lara said simply._   
_“Precisely” Elyna answered with great satisfaction. So few people understood that, which is why Lara was such a rare talent. “Last week, a woman named Alara came here. She had made the journey all the way from Rohan, most unusual for a mortal woman. She’s married to a man who did not treat her well. Did not wish for her to learn to read or write. But if she cannot learn to read or write, Alara cannot make her own way in life, which is probably what her husband preferred. This happens quite often unfortunately. But Alara would not accept that as her fate. She came here seeking proof that the law of the Kingdom of Rohan was on her side, that her husband could not stop her from learning what she wished to. She came to us because no man would help her. We will give that to her” Elyna said meaningfully, holding up a stack of papers they had just finished putting together._   
_“I know this work is important Elyna, but right now, Haldir and this baby need me” Lara said, rubbing her swollen abdomen. She had become pregnant quickly after getting married, to her great surprise. Haldir had been delighted when she told him, during a short leave some months ago. She had not seen him since._   
_“Lara, you are a rare talent. You have worked so hard to get here. You’d give it all up so quickly, it is a shame” Elyna said._   
_But Lara loved her husband. She loved her unborn child. They were going to be so happy and it was worth it. Things would get better after the war, she had told Elyna, almost fully convinced of it herself._

_\-----_

The frostiness between husband and wife must have been at least somewhat obvious. No sooner had the family arrived did the faces of Lara’s brothers and sister in law drop in concern. Haldir clasped each of his brothers on the shoulders and bade them a quick farewell. Inaya kissed him on both cheeks.  
“Take care of her Inaya, she’s been struggling” Haldir murmured. Inaya gave him a reassuring look. He had spoken quietly to her, intending it to be a private conversation, but Lara had overheard. How dare he share their problems with others. It seemed her husband could do nothing right.  
Lara openly glared at her husband as he gave Toberion a hug and a kiss. At last, it was her turn. He walked up to her cautiously, not wanting to worsen things between them further. He knelt before her, as he had done countless times before and asked for her blessing. Anyone who saw the scene would have found it touching when haldir gently planted a kiss on her growing belly and caressed it lovingly. Lara felt no such emotions.  
She reached over and grabbed the garland out of Inaya’s hands and quickly placed it on Haldir’s brow. He looked up at her silently, she could not tell what he was trying to convey with his gaze. What she knew was that they were at the city gates all too soon, he was leaving again, she would be a single parent again. After all she had said to him about how hard it had been for her, nothing had changed. The anger rose within her again.  
“I’m not going to be fooled into thinking you actually care Haldir” she said spitefully before turning around and leaving. As Lara walked away, she felt their marriage had hit rock bottom. She really had nothing left to say. It was actually about to get much worse.

Several days after Haldir left, she came home from the market to see Rumil at her doorstep.  
“Lara!” He called when he spotted her. “Here, let me help you with that” he added, quickly plucking the vegetables she had bought from the market from her arms.  
“Can I help you with something Rumil?” she asked. She was really in no mood to entertain company.  
“I have a surprise for you” he said excitedly.  
“Oh?” she wondered, her interested piqued.  
“Come inside. Haldir gave me the key. He arranged for this before he left, but it was not ready until now” her brother in law explained. Amused, Lara stepped into her own home and allowed her brother in law to lead her to the spare bedroom. It was meant to be the nursery for the child that was very shortly on its way. She had left the flet that morning with the room empty, they had not had a chance to buy anything for it yet. But now, the room contained a crib, a changing table, a rocking chair, shelves. It was well crafted furniture, Lara could tell, stained in a rich dark brown to match the floors. She looked to Rumil, unsure of what to say.  
“Haldir wanted to help with the nursey Lara” Rumil emphasized, smiling encouragingly. She stared at him. Did Rumil think this would fix all the problems in her marriage? Was she supposed to put aside all her anguish because of one gesture?  
Rumil sighed. “Lara, he’s trying.”  
For her, it was too little too late. “Thank you for arranging this Rumil. If you’ll excuse me, I have to make dinner before Toberion gets home from nursery school” she said. Her brother in law politely excused himself, casting her a worried look as he left.  
She was exhausted. She barely made it through dinner. Her back began to ache during desert. Her belly seemed to feel like a ton as she put Toberion to bed. She dragged herself to bed, didn’t bother changing into her nightclothes and fell into a dreamless sleep. She was awoken several hours later by pressure in her lower abdomen. Uncomfortable but still drowsy, Lara rolled over. The pressure eased a little, enough for her to fall asleep again. A short time later, Lara was awoken suddenly by an unbearable and sharp pain in her belly. Alarmed, she cried out. Her heart froze in absolute fear when she realized she could not feel the baby kicking. The elfling had kicked non stop for her entire pregnancy, something was definitely wrong. She threw off the comforter and was horrified to see the expanding pool of crimson blood emerging from between her legs. Another stab of pain brought out another sharp cry from her mouth before she could stop herself.  
“Nana?” Toberion opened the door and walked in. Not wanting to scare him, Lara hastily covered up the blood with the comforter.  
“Toby” she said as calmly as possible. “Can you do something very important for nana?”  
The child nodded enthusiastically at the prospect of being entrusted with an important task. “Go to Uncle Rumil’s. Tell aunt Inaya and uncle rumil that nana needs their help. As fast as you can Toby” she encouraged, suppressing a wince. His little feet thumped on the floor as he ran as fast as he could out into the night, with nothing but his pyjamas. When she was sure he was out of the flet and out of earshot, she let out a scream. The pain was so intense, unlike any contraction she’d had when Toberion was born.  
Lara was scared. She was scared for her baby, she was sure something was wrong. She was scared for Toberion, hoping he would arrive safely at his destination and not catch a cold as a result of the task she’d asked of him. Her son should not be the one helping her tonight, it should have been her husband. She was scared to be alone on this night when such awful things were happening. She felt the urge to push, but instinctively, she knew she shouldn’t. The urge got more intense and when she could no longer fight it, her muscles tensed involuntarily. This sent a surge of blood and tissue out of her.  
Inaya and Rumil arrived without a moment to spare. Both of their eyes widened with fear at the gruesome scene in front of them.  
“I’ll fetch the healers” Rumil said, rushing out the door.  
Inaya rushed towards her friend and sister in law. Lara grasped her hand and began to sob. She could not hold it together, she was so scared.  
“I’m losing the baby” Lara let out her deepest fear.  
“Shh, the healers are on their way. Just a little longer, hang on just a while longer” Inaya soothed. The amount of blood and tissue on the sheets was shocking. She had never seen a normal pregnancy end like this. She placed a hand softly on Lara’s womb, she could feel the muscles tensing. What terrified her was that she could not feel the elfling move at all. She bit back her fear and said nothing to Lara.  
“Where’s Toby” his mother whimpered.  
“We left him with Orophin, it was on our way. Don’t worry, he’s fine” Inaya reassured. Lara could at least be relieved about that.  
When the healers arrived, they were momentarily startled by what they found. The marchwarden’s wife and baby in distress, the situation threatening to escalate into complete disaster.  
“It’s placental abruption” the healer said. “The afterbirth has detached prematurely, the baby is not getting any oxygen.”  
“Do something! Please save my baby!” Lara pleaded, now bordering on hysterical.  
“We’re going to have to deliver. Now. But it may already be too late” the healer said urgently.  
“Anything! Please!” Lara begged. She made every promise she could think of to the valar to save her child.  
“Lara, when I tell you to, you must push. As hard as you can. Understand?” the healer said sternly. Lara nodded through her tears.  
“I’ve broken your waters.” She knew it for a large gush of fluid came out, prompting the healer’s assistant to reach for more blankets. “Now push Lara!”  
And Lara somehow found the in strength to comply. The blood loss was catching up with her. She became very drowsy just as she felt the healers pull the baby out of her. There was no crying. Just the frantic orders of those trying to revive the unresponsive child. She finally surrendered to her body’s agony and closed her eyes.


	4. chapter 4

When she awoke, Lara found she had been cleaned and her clothes changed. She was no longer lying on her own bed. She sheets beneath her were new, unblemished by the materials of birth. It took her a moment to realize she was in Rumil and Inaya’s spare bedroom. When she made to sit up, her arms would not support such effort and she immediately fell back into the soft bed.  
“Lara! Thank goodness you’re awake” Inaya’s relieved voice said.  
“What happened” Lara managed to croak, her voice was hoarse. Inaya lifted a glass of water to her and she drank quickly.  
“You’ve been unconscious for days Lara. We were so close to losing you.” Inaya said tearfully, at the mention of the dreadful memory.  
“Where’s Toberion?” his mother asked, more worried for his well-being than her own.  
“He’s fine. Orophin’s spoiling him rotten at his flet” Inaya tried to lighten the tone.  
“And the baby?” Lara asked hopefully, looking around the room for a crib or a fussing child. She found none.  
“Lara, I’m so sorry” her friend’s voice trailed off.  
“Say it Inaya. Just say it. I need to hear it for you. Or else I won’t ever believe it” Lara demanded.  
Inaya looked away in order to swallow her own tears. Then she gathered her strength, took Lara’s hands into hers. “Lara, your baby, she did not survive. The afterbirth detached early, it’s a rare complication, it starved her of oxygen. There was nothing they could do.”  
It hit Lara like a ton of bricks. Deep down, she had known it but to hear it out loud seemed to make it real. “It was a girl?” she whispered. Inaya nodded. “She was beautiful Lara. She had your eyes and chubby cheeks just like Toberion” her friend said, crying now.  
“No, oh valar, no. Please! No! I want my baby!” Lara screamed. She had never felt such pain and fury. Inaya enveloped her into a hug and rocked her back and forth. Rumil had rushed in upon hearing her screams, his face also distressed.  
After a long time, Lara felt as though she had no more tears that day. Inaya had insisted she swallow a few mouthfuls of broth before going back to rest.  
“Where is Haldir?” Lara asked. Surely, he had rushed home to be with his family.  
Rumil answered. “He’s on his way home, as soon as he heard what had happened, he rushed to get back.”  
“He’s not here?” Lara stated the obvious. She furrowed her eyebrows. Her despair was rapidly turning into anger and she knew exactly who to unleash it on.  
The marchwarden had no sooner reached Rivendell when word came that his wife and child were in mortal danger. Despite lord Elrond’s well-intentioned suggestions that he rest a day before turning back, he immediately began the journey home. He rode hard and fast. The heavens had opened and rain beat down upon him, as if to mourn for his wife and child. The news had only said Lara and the baby had experienced a complication and they were both in danger. He did not know whether they had lived or died. For a marchwarden who had the command of thousands of soldiers, won a war against Sauron himself, he found himself at the mercy of the fates. He was completely helpless.  
Haldir was helpless, but he was able to heap upon himself all the guilt and shame for the tragic situation. He had known Lara was unhappy, she had made that much clear to him. She had practically begged him not to go, but he left anyway. She was right, he was not there for his family when they needed him. If he could trade his life for either his wife or child’s, he would do it instantaneously. How had it come to this?

\-------

_Haldir felt a weight lift from his shoulders when he saw the gates of his beloved woods. He had been gone for far too many months and the sight was a welcome one. He could hear the murmur of his soldiers, the increased cadence of their steps as they too knew they were soon to be reunited with their loved ones. It had been a long and bloody war. Too much elven blood had been shed. But they had no choice but to meet and fight evil itself. For if they did not, Sauron would have defiled these beloved woods. His beautiful Lara, his brothers, his baby would have all been at the mercy of the darkness. That, he could not allow. Thankfully, he had survived. That was all he could say, there was no triumph or celebration when so many had been lost._   
_All he wanted now was to go home and see his wife. His wife and baby, for surely the child had been born. It was a miracle to Haldir that they conceived at all. They have been married only months before he was called to battle. Lara had told him of the happy news when he’d come home during a weekend leave, the only one he’d had this entire war. Amidst all this death and carnage, they had created life. It was a miracle indeed. Haldir suddenly found himself anxious. Was the baby healthy? Would he be a good father? He did not have time to dwell on these worries for they had arrived at the city gates._   
_Flower petals floated in the air magically, as if they knew there was a victory to celebrate. The marchwarden watched impatiently as his troops were the first to receive their garlands and greet their families. Then, the crowd gathered for his turn. He was surprised to see it was Inaya who held the garland out for him. He wordlessly knelt to receive it upon his brow, but his worry must have shown on his face._   
_Inaya smiled. “Don’t worry Haldir, I come in her place for she has her hands full” she said, before glancing behind her and stepping aside. Then his beloved Lara came into view. She was holding in her arms a small bundle, wrapped in blanket. Haldir caught sight of a tiny hand and a tiny foot. He stood up to meet his wife._   
_“Meleth, meet your son” she said proudly, lifting the bundle to him. He had not held a newborn for centuries, yet his arms seemed to know what to do. When the child was safely in his arms, he looked down and his breath caught in his chest. The most beautiful baby in all of arda, he was sure of it. Haldir could not believe he had helped create something so wonderful. His disbelief must have been evident to his wife._   
_Lara laughed. “Yes Haldir, he is most certainly yours. He has your iron will, for he will not sleep through the night unless swaddled a certain way.” To that, the marchwarden chuckled. He leaned down to touch his forehead to Lara’s and kissed her deeply._   
_“Thank you Lara, for giving me everything that is good.”_

_\------_

Haldir arrived in Lorien at the dead of night. There was no garland ceremony for him, the sentries hastily opened the gates when they saw him approach. Their eyes were downcast in grief. Haldir felt his heart clench, suddenly very afraid of what he would find. He begged the valars to spare them, to take his life for theirs. He was met at the stables by Rumil.  
“Brother, I’m glad you have returned safely. We did not expect you so soon, did you even rest on the journey?” the middle brother greeted him, worry tinged in his tone.  
“I’m fine” Haldir said gruffly, brushing aside any concern for himself. “Where is Lara and the baby?”  
Rumil put his hand onto his shoulder to steady him. They were alone in the stables. “Hal, the afterbirth tore prematurely. Lara bled. It nearly took her life. The baby did not survive the birth. I’m sorry.”  
Haldir was used to being stoic, for his people, his soldiers and his family. He had led them through the darkest times in the history of Middle Earth. He tried to do the same now, but his will crumbled. He fell against the wall of the stable and slid to the floor. Rumil silently steadied him, making sure he did not hurt himself. An agonized wail came from him, so foreign that he wasn’t sure it was his own voice. His brother said nothing but crouched beside him, in the corner of the stables, and made sure the marchwarden could grieve in privacy. He knew his older brother, the pillar of his family and the one he had looked up to his whole life, needed a moment to gather himself. When Haldir walked out of the stables, he would be that pillar for his wife and family again. He would be strong for them. But right now, he was a father who had lost his daughter without even having a chance to lay eyes on her, a father to a son who would not understand why the baby that had been expected would not arrive, a husband who very nearly lost his wife and would now have to pick up the pieces of her shattered heart. Haldir never asked anything for himself, but tonight Rumil would make sure he got a moment to himself


	5. chapter 5

When the marchwarden emerged from the stables, he was once again the stoic pillar his family could lean on. Knowing both Lara and their son would be sleeping in his brothers’ flets, he headed for his own home. It had none of the warmth and happiness he was accustomed to feeling when he walked in. The place was a complete mess. When the healers had arrived and worked frantically on his wife and child, they had not paid much attention to being orderly. Medical supplies, both new and used, were strewn about. The bedroom was worse, much worse. For a soldier seasoned by much killing and death, the scene in front of him still managed to bring bile up into his throat. It was nothing short of gruesome. No one had been back to the room since Lara had been taken from. The sheets were crumpled, soaked with blood. There had been so much of it, Haldir thought it a miracle that his wife lived. His heart ached at what pain his wife must have endured alone.

His wife would want to come home to be comfortable in her own things. Haldir immediately began to clean up. He would work all night if he had to. Lara would not want others to see the state of their bedroom or know just how terrible what had happened was. Methodically, Haldir spent the next hours cleaning up any reminder of the tragedy. By next morning, the flet was pristine. The sheets thrown out and crisp new ones were laid on the bed. The bloodied bandages, medical instruments, leftover vials of drugs had all been removed. The flet was ready for his family to come home.

That morning he went to Orophin’s flet first, to pick up his son. Thankfully, Toberion had remained blissfully unaware of all that had transpired. His father found him at the breakfast table with his uncle, having a slice of cake (“Orophin! You do not feed a toddler cake for breakfast!). Orophin looked guiltily at his eldest brother, confessing that the child had pretty much had his way on just about everything for the past several weeks. Having plucked up his son, the two headed to Rumil’s to see Lara.

The marchwarden’s wife was quietly sipping a cup of tea on the terrace when she spotted her son in the arms of her husband walking towards the flet. She felt a pang of relief. She had not seen her son since the miscarriage, Inaya had been worried that taking care of a toddler would be too much for her health. Lara had missed him terribly, but she knew it would only upset the child to see his mother in such a state. The elfling was bouncing happily in his father’s arms, chattering away. Despite herself, Lara smiled.

When Inaya came out to the terrace to tell her of the visitors, Lara was prepared. Haldir was led to the terrace to have a moment alone with his wife while Inaya watched Toberion. He walked softly onto the terrace, a mixture of relief and worry in his eyes. Lara looked away, unwilling to meet his gaze.

“You’re back” she said simply.   
“Aye, I came as soon as I heard. Lara, I cannot imagine what it was like for you-“ he began. She was in no mood to hear it.

“No you cannot imagine because you were not there. As usual, Haldir, you were absent.”

He took a step towards her, pleading his case. “Meleth, I would give anything to go back and do it again. If I had known, I would have been there with you.”

“Please say no more Haldir, I can’t bear it. My daughter is dead, there is nothing anyone can say to me to ease my pain” Lara snapped.

“I’ve prepared the flet, I thought you’d want to come home” Haldir offered.

Lara nodded, then upon further consideration dropped a bombshell. “I can’t sleep in the same bed as you. I can’t be that close to you right now.You’ll sleep in the spare bedroom”

Haldir swallowed his pain, and that was a tough pill to swallow. “As you wish.”

Their first few days after returning to their flet, Lara hardly spoke to her husband at all. She could barely tolerate looking at him. He could tell she was angry at him. Angry for not being there for their child, for her. She was grieving and she was taking out her pain on him. Even though she would not communicate with him, he wanted her to know that he had not given up on their marriage.

“Lara, when I bound myself to you, it was forever. You will not be able to drive me away, despite your efforts. I know you’re hurting. I am here because I love you.” He said. They were alone at the dinner table that night, eating in silence. Toberion had been whisked away to his uncle Orophin’s to give his mother some peace and quiet.

Lara looked up from her plate surprised. She had assumed Haldir had no idea what was going on in her mind. She’d thought he had been so consumed by his soldiering duties to notice what was happening at home. Yet he had read her perfectly. She was taking out her pain on him. He was an easy target, he would not fight back.

\------

_Lara reached over beside her in bed, expecting to find her husband but instead feeling only the sheets of the empty bed. Where had Haldir gone? Had he finally had enough and left her, she wondered sarcastically. She had been rather unpleasant lately. But caring for a newborn, especially a colicky one as her son was, was exhausting. She had hardly slept for weeks. Her nipples were cracked and sore from feeding the baby, her hair was a mess, and she had inexplicably gained weight after delivery (what!)._

_She got out of bed to check on Toberion. As she neared his nursery, she heard the soft tones of a lullaby. It was her husband, singing softly to the baby in his arms. She realized she had never heard him sing before. He did not like to show his soft side. Yet there he was, rocking the infant back and forth, singing a silly song about fairies to the delight of his son._

_“Well Toberion, it’s time to go back to sleep. Nana needs a break and she can only get one if you stop crying so much.” To which the baby giggled, as if telling him his request was ridiculous._

_“Toby, I’m your Ada. I promise to show you how to be honorable and just, strong and fair, loving and kind. And I will never let anything harm you or your nana” he whispered. Those words came from the very depth of his soul, Lara could tell. It was an oath. It moved her. This elf was the most honorable, just, strong, fair, loving and kind elf she had ever met. Her soul was merged with his now, until the end of arda, and she knew he would have it no other way._

\--------

Haldir banged on the bathroom door with no avail. He had heard and thump and fearing the worst, he went to check on his wife. She did not answer, so he kept knocking. Then, he heard her sobbing from the other side. He touched his forehead to the door and sighed.   
“Meleth, please let me in. Whatever is wrong, I can help” he pleaded.

After a long silence, he heard the reluctant clicking of the lock as it slid open. He carefully opened the door and slid into the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and seated himself in front of it so that Toberion would not accidentally wander in. His wife was kneeling on the floor, sobbing.

Her shirt was wet through the chest and she cupped her breasts gently with her hands.   
“My milk is still coming” Lara said, a pained expression on her face. He suddenly realized that she was making breastmilk, for a baby who would never drink it. Such bodily functions did not stop just because the infant was gone. It gutted him.

A few days later, Lara was home alone in the afternoon. Haldir had taken their son out to the park for some fresh air. She had politely but firmly refused offers from Inaya to go to the market. She simply wanted to be alone. Yet now that she was alone, she found the silence and solitude unbearable. What was wrong with her?! Her eyes trailed towards the door in the far end of the room. Behind it was the nursery for a child that would never sleep in it. The door had been firmly closed ever since Lara had returned home. She didn’t know what possessed her, but she walked up to the door and opened it. The room was precisely how she had left it. The new furniture gleaming in the warm sunlight, toys had been lined up on the shelves awaiting an owner that would never come.   
It was all too much for her. The room was filled with the promise of a beautiful life that will never be. Toys that will never be played with, books that will never be read, giggles and squeals of delight that will never happen. Lara raged at the unfairness of it all. She went to Haldir’s closet and grabbed his service sword.

The elven blade had destroyed many a foe. And today, it would destroy Lara’s enemy: being haunted by a future she could never have. The first swing shattered the book shelf, soft toys flew everywhere. The cracking of the wood was so satisfying to her that she brought the sword up again and cut across the crib, sending splinters in all directions. And she kept going, losing track of reality until every piece of furniture in the nursery had been destroyed. Then, she calmly put the sword back in its sheath and back into Haldir’s weapons closet.

Without much further thought, she began cleaning up the room. It was therapeutic, by sweeping up the pieces of the nursery and dumping it in the trash, she was putting away the dream of a daughter and a family of 4. When the room was emptied, she inspected it closely for any trace of a nursery. She couldn’t find any. It looked like any spare room now, erased of evidence that a baby ever existed.

Haldir had noticed the bins of broken furniture outside of their home when he returned with Toberion that evening. When he entered the flet, his eyes briefly flicked towards the room that used to be the nursery. Finding what he expected, an empty room devoid of all its previous contents, he looked at his wife questioningly.

“I could not stand to look at all that furniture any longer” was the only explanation she gave. He did not say a word, offered no expression, simply nodding and proceeded to help Toberion wash up for dinner.

Late that night, while the rest of the house was asleep, the marchwarden slipped out of the flet. He needed to clear his head. He was being tested, and he had begun to doubt his faith that he and Lara would find their way back to each other. He refused to give up on their marriage. They would get through his, he vowed, and they will come out the other side stronger. 


	6. chapter 6

Lara was snapped out of her reverie by a knock on the door. She recognized her visitor as the seamstress. The elleth was holding a package and seemed surprised to see Lara. Bewildered that a visitor would be caught off guard to find her in her own home, she politely showed the elleth in and inquired as to the reason for the visit.

“It’s nothing my lady. I was supposed to give this package to the marchwarden. If he’s not here, I will return later. I must have mistaken the time that we were to meet.”

Lara arched her eyebrows. “You could leave it with me, I am his wife. I doubt he would mind.”

The seamstress flushed. “No, it’s alright. It’s meant for the marchwarden.”

“The marchwarden’s wife is more than capable of holding onto a package of garments for him. Unless it’s a dress for his mistress?” she said sarcastically. It irritated her that the elleth would not entrust her with a simple task.

“My lady, captain haldir left specific instructions that the package be handed directly to him and him alone.”

Lara had had enough. She walked over to the table where the paper box was now sitting and flipped open the lid. She actually wished it was a garment for his mistress, for that would have been easier for her to take. Instead, inside the box were at least a dozen dresses, sized for an elfling. Some were practical items, night gowns and play clothes, others were beautifully made dresses. Lara felt her chest seize. She looked at the seamstress, eyes demanding answers.

“Captain Haldir ordered these many months ago. He came into the shop one day and said he had a feeling the child you carried would be a girl. He wanted her to have something beautiful to wear. ‘His little elleth’ he said, we all remembered that because seldom have we seen the marchwarden so. He didn’t want you to be troubled finding clothes for the baby, my Lady. When we heard what happened, we couldn’t deliver them to you as planned. He had already paid a pretty penny for them. He said he had made arrangements for them to be taken somewhere useful. He didn’t want you to see them, he worried it would upset you” the seamstress confessed.

“Thank you, I will make sure Haldir gets these.” Lara choked out, tears already threatening to fall.

The seamstress hesitated, seemingly wanting to say something. “Yes?” Lara issued the invitation.

“I don’t mean to pry, and it’s none of my business. It’s just that I’ve heard things have been difficult between you. I wanted you to know that the marchwarden was beaming with joy when he came into the shop that day. He said he thanked the valar to be gifted you as his wife and that you had given him everything good in his life. He loves you and he loved that child, it was so obvious.” With that, the seamstress quietly slipped out the door.

Lara stared at the box of clothing for a long time. It moved her that Haldir had found time in his busy schedule to order clothes for their baby. She had thought he didn’t care, but it was now becoming clear that he did. The nursery furniture, the clothes, cleaning up the flet before she came home. Not to mention, the other day, he had to endure the embarrassment of going to the healers to ask for herbs to stop her breastmilk because Lara could not bring herself to do so. Lara sighed, she always knew her husband was not demonstrative of his feelings. Could she have misread him?

\-----

_Haldir paced their living room for what seemed liked the thousandth time that afternoon. Lara stared him down, determined not to give in. Her husband ran his fingers through his hair roughly, he was clearly frustrated. Toberion played quietly on the carpet, having just discovered the new world of blocks. The baby delighted in stacking several up before knocking them all down and starting over._

_Haldir looked lovingly at his son, and then to its mother. “Lara, please see reason. Evacuating is the only option. Sauron’s forces could over-run our defences any day, and when they do, they will spare no one. Not even the elleths and elflings. Do you understand that?”_

_Lara was not backing down. “I’m not leaving Haldir. If the darkness overcomes us, there will be nowhere to run to. I will not die like a coward. I will not let this evil drive us from our home.”_

_The marchwarden shook his head. “And what about our son? Will you be able to watch as evil defiles him?” he challenged._

_The thought of it brought tears to her eyes. “Don’t you want us here with you?”_

_Haldir went to her and pulled her into a tight hug. “Of course I want to be here with you. But meleth, if I fall, I want my last thought to be that you and Toberion are safe. I’m begging you, if our defenses fail, promise me you will evacuate with the others.” He too had tears in his eyes._

_“I don’t want to be without you” Lara declared stubbornly.  
“I will always be with you meleth. I will do anything to keep you safe and Toby safe, anything, even if it breaks our hearts” he vowed. _

_\-------_

When Haldir returned with their son, both were wearing smiles. Toberion was sitting on his father’s shoulders, enjoying the view from his newfound height. When the marchwarden’s eyes rested on the opened box on the table with its contents within view, his face fell. He quickly ushered the child into his room to play before returning to the living. He took a deep breath.

“They were supposed to bring it to me. You were not supposed to know of it.” He explained, looking at his wife cautiously, as if awaiting some outcry of rage or grief.

To his surprise, Lara looked at him sympathetically. “It’s not their fault, I insisted on opening it. And you know I can’t be persuaded when I insist on doing something.” This brought a small smile from the marchwarden.

“It- it was silly of me. I had this stupid thought of how a daughter would love being in a dress…”

Lara shook her head. “No it’s not silly. Little girls usually do love dresses. How did you know it was a girl?”

“Ah, just a feeling. Like I said, it was silly of me.” No, Lara thought, it was the love a father has for his daughter.   
“The seamstress said you’d made arrangements for these clothes?” she asked.

“Yes, I know a family of mortals who are in need of them. They live in a village close to our borders. When the Galadhrim trained the village defence guards to repel orc attacks, the father was amongst the men. He is a good man. His wife just bore a daughter. I thought that someone could at least put them to good use.” Haldir explained, looking at her to see if she objected.

“If it’s alright with you, I’d like to come with you. When you drop off the clothes. I too would like to see some good come out of them” she asked shyly. He smiled and nodded.

Lara began to venture out more in the coming days. Sometimes, she joined her husband and son on trips to the creek, or horse rides. As Haldir had taken a leave from command of the Galadhrim, he was doing most of the child rearing duties. Lara had reassured him she was now well enough to handle it, but the marchwarden had insisted. Thus, for the first time in a long time, Lara found herself with freedom to explore her days.

Her friends had inundated her with invitation to tea, shopping or just about any activity that they thought would ease her mind. Inaya had taken to the habit of dropping by each day, with some excuse, to check up on her. Usually, she’d lightly explain that she had just baked some goods and came to drop off the extras. Thus, Lara and Haldir had each been stuffed with muffins and cakes. While Lara appreciated all her friends’ efforts, she found she wanted solitude. She didn’t want to seem unkind, but she needed time to figure out who she was. Now she wanted more than to be the marchwarden’s wife and mother of his children. She found her mind wandering and often ending up at the archives. So, on this day, she went to visit the place and career she had forsaken.

  
The cool, musty smell of ancient parchment relaxed Lara instantly. She strolled through the shelves, gently fingering the volumes they stored. She got lost in the memories of younger and carefree days.

“I’m surprised to see you here, Lara” the familiar voice behind her said.

Lara turned around to see her old mentor, Elyna. She was, as usual, holding a stack of parchment. “I – I, uh, came to see…”

“I heard about what happened with your child. I am sorry. How are your husband and son?” Elyna said matter-of-factly, she was never one for small talk.

“They’re doing well” Lara answered. “I’m here because, because I missed this. Missed the work I was doing here. It was a mistake to give it up” she admitted.

Elyna arched a brow. “I didn’t think you’d ever admit it, you always were quite stubborn.”

“What are you working on?” Lara asked, gesturing at the papers in the head archivist’s arms.

“I am cataloguing some of texts from the second age” was the simple answer.

“Do you need help?” Lara offered.

Elyna sighed. “If you’re wondering whether you can return to your work here, the answer is yes. But you better be sure of what you want, because I won’t have you quitting again.”


	7. Chapter 7

Lara had cooked a sumptuous dinner that night. She watched as son and husband dug in hungrily. She picked at her food distractedly.

“Inaya said you declined her invitation to go shopping again” Haldir offered casually, though by the way he was inspecting her response, she suspected there was nothing casual about his question. She knew she must seem withdrawn. She had withdrawn, but only by looking within herself could she figure out how she would move forward.

“I didn’t feel like going shopping” she said nonchalantly.

“She said she’s hardly seen you for the last month. She worries” her husband pressed.

“She doesn’t need to worry. I just don’t want to see her right now” Lara said defensively, her cheeks flushing. She did need to justify with whom she wanted to associated with to her husband!

“Why not?” Haldir asked pointedly, not letting it slide.

“Because Haldir, Inaya’s life is focussed on supporting her husband and starting a family. Excuse me if that’s not appealing to me currently!” She snapped, more harshly than she intended. It silenced the entire table. Toberion looked up from his plate, confused by the sudden change in his mother’s tone.

“Nana, are you mad at Ada?” the child asked innocently. Lara could tell the thought distressed him.

“No sweet pea, everything’s fine” Lara soothed.

Toby did not seem convinced. “Are you fighting because we’re not getting a baby anymore?” he blurted out.

Both his parents were taken aback. They had worked very hard to keep the disruption to his life minimal. It had been Haldir who broke the news to his son.

\-----

_The first thing Haldir did the morning after he returned to Lothlorien upon hearing of his wife and baby was to pick up his son from Orophin’s. He had spent the night cleaning the flet to ready it for his wife and child to return home. As he ascended the steps of Orophin’s flet, he mentally prepared himself._

_The elfling was sitting at the breakfast table, cheerfully digging his way through a slice of cake. Orophin gave his older brother with a guilty expression. Haldir sat down at the table next to his son, sipping a cup of coffee. After Haldir politely reminded Orophin that children ought not to get cake for breakfast, he turned his attention to Toberion._

_“Toby, what did your aunt and uncles tell you about nana?” he asked gently._

_The child swallowed the last bite of his cake and eyed his father innocently. “Nana’s sick and uncle Rumil and aunt Inaya are taking care of her. They said she’d be better very soon and not to worry.”_

_Haldir breathed a sigh of relief. He gave Toby a reassuring smile. “Aye, Nana will be well very soon. She’s going to come home today, as are you.” His son responded with a wide smile._

_“Toby, when nana comes home, she won’t have a baby” he added. The child frowned. His parents had spent the last months talking to him about a new baby and all the things that would happen when he got a sibling._

_“Why not, where did it go?” the child asked._

_“Your sister has joined your grandparents in Valinor. We will see them one day, but not just yet. I know it’s disappointing because you were looking forward to having a sibling” Haldir said as gently as he could, eyeing his son. Toby contemplated this for a long moment, before smiling._

_“I’m glad she has grandma and grandpa to look after her, when we can’t be with her yet.”_

_Haldir bit back his emotions. “Yes, you’re right. Toby, Nana may be sad for a while because she’ll miss the baby. But we both still love you very much and we’ll still be here for you.”_

_Toby nodded as if he expected nothing different. “Can we go see Nana now?”_

_\-------_

“Toby, I don’t want you to worry about that” Lara said firmly. Whatever differences she and Haldir were having, she did not want it to spill over to their son.

“But it’s true isn’t it? What they’re saying?” Toby pressed.

“What’s true?”

“That you and ada are fighting. That you don’t love ada anymore because now we’re not getting a baby” Toby accused, getting visibly upset.

“Who said that?”

“People. My friends’ parents. They thought I wasn’t listening” the child pouted.

Lara was speechless. She always knew her son was perceptive, but he had understood far more than she expected. She looked at Haldir, who seemed just as surprised and worried as she.

Lara chose her next words very carefully.

“Toby, Ada and I love you very much. That will never change. Whatever happens between ada and I, we will always love you and do what’s best for you.”

Toby seemed to understand, but the way he frowned seemed to indicate he also knew she had avoided his question.

“Can I go play now?” he asked, seeming to let the topic go for now.

“Of course.” With his mother’s permission, he hopped of his chair and rushed outside to join his friends in a game of tag. The two parents stared at each other silently.

“I meant it Haldir. Whatever happens between us, I will would never let Toby suffer. I know you would do the same” Lara affirmed.   
“Aye, I know” he sighed again. Then in a rare moment of vulnerability, he asked “I’d like to know the answer to his question Lara. Do you still love me?”

Lara simply stared at him. Such an unexpected question, a simple yet inexplicably complex question. “You’re the father of my child, Haldir, I will always care for you.” She had once again avoided the question. Haldir did not press the matter, part of him was afraid to know the answer.

“Haldir, I’ve decided to go back to working at the archives. I’ve missed it” Lara said simply.

“I know you’ll enjoy it Lara, you’ve been away too long. It’s time you chased your dreams” Haldir said.

“Toby is going to nursery school now, it won’t impact his schedule” Lara reasoned.

“We’ll make it work.” He paused, and then braced himself. “Lara, if you don’t love me anymore, I won’t keep you bound to me.”

Lara frowned. “Haldir, what would that do to you?” When elven couples married, their body and soul were merged. Because they shared a child, Lara and Haldir’s bond was especially strong. No elven marriage had ever been broken while both mates were still alive. But it was also unheard of to suffer the tragedy that they had.

“Do not worry for me, Lara.”

“I would not want you to suffer” she said. Though Haldir would not say it, she was fairly certain it would irreparably damage him. Whatever she was feeling for Haldir, she could never do that to him. What _was_ she feeling for Haldir? 

The day was cloudless and bright, a perfect day for a trip onto the plains surrounding Lorien. The destination was a small human settlement near the woods’ borders. Lara and Haldir rode swiftly, slicing through the plains with ease. The large gate of the settlement swung open for them.

“Captain Haldir” the large man approached them, arms open in welcome. He embraced Haldir warmly. The man wore chain mail, roughly made, unlike the fine craftmanship of elven armor. His helmet and sword were similarly of rough make. This man and his compatriots would be easy prey for an orc company, Lara knew. They surely must have known it too, had it not been for Haldir and the aid of the elven soldiers to bolster their defences. “You have brought a guest?” the man said heartily, surprised.

“My wife, Lara” Haldir introduced.

“She is the most beautiful elf maiden I have ever seen” the man stated, clearly in awe. After a moment, when the initial shock wore off, the man hastily introduced himself. “I am Luke. Head guard here in the village. The aid your husband and his soldiers have given us, it has been invaluable. My wife, Mary has prepared a meal. The best pot roast in all of Middle Earth! We will eat as soon as Haldir is done inspecting the troops. Come, I’ll show you to the house.” He led Lara towards his abode.

While the soldiers were busy inspecting the border fortifications, Lara sat in Luke and Mary’s kitchen. The home was modest at best, the furniture was well worn but what they lacked in material means was more than made up for by the wealth of love in the home. Lara had met all 4 of the children, 3 boisterous boys and a newborn baby girl. Her heart had clenched when Mary swaddled the infant, and the baby cooed in response. Mary had made her feel welcome immediately.

“Would you like to hold her?”

“Oh no, I don’t think it’s a good idea” Lara said, suddenly panicked. “Um, Haldir and I brought some things we thought you could use” she said, changing the topic. She handed over the wrapped parcel.

Mary took the package and opened it on the kitchen counter. Lara slid into the chair beside her, sipping the fresh coffee Mary had just brewed.

“Oh, they’re beautiful!” Mary exclaimed, as she fingered the fine fabric.

“The cloth is soft but they are much stronger than they appear. It will hold up to a child’s play” Lara explained.

Mary looked at her intently before smiling softly. “Thank you Lara, I know it must be hard for you to give these away after what happened.”

“You know what happened?” Lara asked, surprised.

“I’m very sorry for your loss” Mary said, reaching over to her and giving her a tight hug. “Haldir was so excited…”

“I- I didn’t know Haldir talked about his family” Lara said awkwardly. There was so much she didn’t know about her husband. He had always kept his work away from her, she felt it was a deliberate separation. She had resented it.

“Luke is the same way. He does not want us to hear of the horrors of war. I know because my father was a soldier too. Luke wants his children to enjoy their innocence as long as possible. Surely, some of our sons will be on the front lines soon enough. It is our duty to ensure the evils of this world do not touch our children too soon” Mary said with conviction.

“But Haldir talked to you, about us?” Lara pressed, her interest piqued.

“Yes, he sometimes stays for dinner if the training exercises have gone late. They get along, he and Luke. He has spoken of you and your son often; how much he misses you and Toby. He was so happy that another little one was on its way, Lara. He would do anything to protect you” Mary said gently. Even though Lara didn’t have to say it, Mary seemed to understand Lara’s struggles.

“Well, I hope those clothes will suit your little one” Lara said, suddenly wanting to put her sadness away.   
“Of course, they shall be put to good use. I had hoped for a girl, can you blame me after 3 boys?” Mary answered wearily, Lara had to laugh. The women moved towards the kitchen, starting to set the table for lunch. Soon, Luke and Haldir had finished inspecting the fortifications and came in for the meal. They were followed by the 3 boys, raucously entering the home. As soon as the children finished eating, they ran outdoors to finish their game. Mary was able to put the baby down for a nap. Finally, the adults were able to enjoy desert in peace.

“How did you like the furniture Lara? Captain Haldir worked on it for weeks” Luke said jovially.

Lara froze, her fork still halfway to her mouth. “The furniture…” she said slowly. Mary glared at her husband. He didn’t take the hint.

“The furniture for the nursery. He had the village carpenter Garron help him of course, to make sure he finished it before the –“ the man was cut off abruptly by a kick from under the table, Mary had made her point. “Oh” Luke said when he finally clued in. The table fell silent.

“Mary, the meal is delicious. You shouldn’t have gone through the trouble” Haldir said tactfully. Lara stared down silently at her plate. “Er- it was no trouble Captain. The whole village is grateful for the aid of you and your soldiers. Please give our thanks to your lord and lady” Mary said, taking the reins of the conversation.

After bidding many thanks and farewells to their mortal hosts, Haldir and Lara led their steads out of the village. Lara felt she had found a friend in Mary, despite knowing her for only a short time. She had even promised to bring Toberion next time to visit, knowing her son would surely enjoy the company of Luke and Mary’s children.

“Here, let me help you up” Haldir offered his hand to Lara, so she could mount her horse.

“I’d rather walk a little further, it is a lovely day” Lara said wistfully. “Do you mind Haldir?”

“No, of course not” he agreed.

They walked in silence, their horses following behind them at a leisurely pace.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you made the furniture? Weren’t you angry when I destroyed it?” Lara asked suddenly, turning to Haldir. They had come to a halt now. In the middle of the plains, miles from the border of Lorien, they were completely alone.

Haldir looked at her a moment. “I knew you were hurting Lara. It didn’t seem so important to tell you.”

“It was important to you, was it not. Luke said you worked on it for weeks.” Lara insisted.

“Aye, it doesn’t matter now Lara” her husband placated.

“Why don’t you ever tell me what you’re feeling?” Lara demanded, she was letting it out now. The question that had nagged her for such a long time. “Why do you allow me to think that you don’t care for your family, when it couldn’t be further from the truth? You knew what I thought and you didn’t correct me? You made furniture, ordered clothes for the baby but you let me think you didn’t hardly noticed I was pregnant. Why?”

Haldir looked away, as he often did when difficult topics of conversation came up. “You know I do not show my feelings easily, it is part of being a warden…” he said uneasily.

“No, being at war with orcs is different from talking to your wife! Why couldn’t you ask me how I was feeling, and tell me what you were feeling. Why is that so hard?”

“Do you want to know what I’m feeling Lara?” Haldir said, his voice shaking slightly.

“Yes Haldir, for once, tell me what you’re thinking!” Lara exclaimed.

“I know I should have been there with you that night you miscarried. I knew it before I left that I should not have gone and I knew it as soon as I got word of what happened. I know I failed you, and toby and our daughter. The only thing I wanted to be good at was being a good husband and father. And I have failed at it. I do not deserve you and Toby, I know that. I do not tell you these things because I can see it in your eyes already.” He said harshly.


	8. Chapter 8

_Lara stared at the healer in disbelief. He was still smiling, expecting her to leap with joy._

_“Congratulations, my lady, you’re with child.” She had gone to the healers because she had suspected it, but was hoping to be proven wrong. Deep down, she had known she was pregnant again. The tell-tale signs of fatigue and nausea only visited elleths for one reason._

_“Are you sure?” she stammered. Please be unsure, please be something else, anything else, she begged silently._

_The healer’s smile faded a little. He was surely used to patients leaping for joy upon hearing such news. Elven children were a blessing to their parents and all of their people. “Of course I’m sure. You’re little more than 2 months along. Don’t worry, knowing the marchwarden as I do, he will be elated.”_

_He thinks I’m worried about what Haldir will say, Lara thought. If only. No, Lara was the one who did not want this child. Toberion had just started nursery school. After several years of staying at home and caring for him mostly alone (for Haldir was away so often), she was looking forward to some peace, quiet and freedom._

_Freedom, that’s what she coveted most. She had so little of it now, between Toby and the various roles she was expected to play as wife of the marchwarden: chief organizer of care packages, head supporter for the new wives and mothers her husband’s soldiers were bound to…the list goes on. She never asked for any of those jobs, they landed at her feet, the marchwarden’s wife was expected to do it. She had given up the job she loved for some stupid fantasy of marital bliss that never came true. But there had been a light at the end of the tunnel, once Toby went to school, she would have precious hours in the day to herself. Lara had begun to make plans for those hours, perhaps she could take up some translating work (she’d done it briefly before starting at the archives), or even go back to work at the archives…_

_All that came crashing down now. She was pregnant again. She could look forward to years more of diapers, lonely early morning feeds. Valar, it was unfair. Haldir could go on without any disruption to his work and she would be left with all the responsibility._

_“When is the elfling due?” she asked, forcing a smile on her face, giving the healer the best look of elation she could._

_“Next summer. I want you to start taking this tea daily, and I’ll see you again in a month” he said, looking relieved that Lara seemed to have finally realized what true blessing was coming her way._

_Lara walked home in a daze, she barely remembered the healer handing over the tea and bidding him goodbye. The memories of her lonely first pregnancy and solitary delivery were swirling in her mind. The delivery, oh valar, it had been horrible. Haldir could not be spared from the front lines. She had labored alone, for hours, not knowing what to expect. She had cried, begged for him. Haldir would not know any of it. He would only see his beautiful baby handed to him when he returned to Lorien bathed in the glory of victory._

_Toby was not yet home when she returned to the flet. She locked herself in the bathroom and sank to the floor. Tears flowed freely. She was overcome with guilt. A baby was a blessing, she was a bad mother to not want this. Of course she would love her child, but the timing was just awful. She shook that last part from her mind. Haldir will do more this time, she thought, I will make him._

_Her husband came home from the borders a week later. Lara had carefully rehearsed how she would tell him, working in how she would like more help this time around. She had gone over it in her mind countless times. She would do it after dinner, when they could have a quiet moment to themselves while Toby was out plying. It was all for naught as Toby blurted it out as soon as he saw his father._

_“Nana’s having a baby!” Toby announced loudly, as soon as Haldir stood in front of her for the garland ceremony. Excited whispers rippled through the assembled crowd of soldiers and their families. Haldir’s eyes widened and he looked at her for confirmation. Her cheeks flushed. He must’ve thought she was glowing from joy. No, she was furious she had not had the chance to say what she wanted, what she had rehearsed so carefully. But she could not be angry at her child for this, so she was just angry at the situation. She forced a smile on her face, she was doing that a lot lately, and nodded._

_“It’s true, the baby’s due next summer.” The excited whispers grew much louder. A few of the soldiers called out their hearty congratulations. Her husband knelt in front of her. But before she could place the garland upon his brow, he leaned forward and kissed her womb, an act of absolute devotion. The elleths in the crowd swooned. What could Lara do, nothing but smile again and place the garland upon his brow. They were quickly swarmed with good wishes and congratulations. Inaya had practically leapt for joy and began talking about planning the child’s blessing ceremony. They did not get a moment to themselves until Lara closed the door to their flet._

_That night, after Toby was sound asleep, the couple sat quietly at the table. Haldir was drinking a glass of wine while Lara sipped on her tea._

_Haldir had a boy-ish smile on his face, she found it infuriating. Most things he did now irritated her. “Another elfling Lara, think of it, how have we been so lucky.”_

_“Your parents were blessed three times Haldir. I’m pretty sure making love frequently helps” she retorted sarcastically. That wiped the smile off his face. She was unnecessarily mean, but she didn’t care. She felt so trapped in a life she didn’t want, she lashed out at the first thing in front of her._

_“The baby’s due in the summer. I hope you will make sure to be here” she stated._

_Haldir sat up at her unfriendly tone. “Of course Lara, I want to be there.”_

_“I wasn’t sure if you were planning to miss this one’s birth too” she said snarkily. She knew he regretted missing Toby’s birth, but couldn’t help throwing it in his face._

_“No, Lara. I will be there. I wanted to be there last time, I just couldn’t…” he said, pleading for her understanding. “I’ll make sure everything’s ready for the baby. I know you’re acting like this because you’re worried you’ll have to do it all alone like you had to with Toby. But I promise, this time will be different.”_

_“Yes Haldir, you know me so well” she said sarcastically, before walking to the bedroom and slamming the door behind her._

_\-------_

Looking back on it, her husband _had_ made sure everything was ready for the baby. He had furnished the nursery, ordered clothes, there was little more he could have done. 

Before Lara could say anything, he continued. “I will not keep you bound to me. It’s the only thing I have left to give to you.” Then, seemingly unable to look at her, he walked away utterly defeated. It took Lara a few moments to process what he’d said. Her heart went out to him, he was hurting so badly, she could feel it through their bond. And, it hurt her. It hurt her deeply, she almost couldn’t breathe. Then, she knew she could not allow him to hurt this way. No, she loved him, she realized. And she didn’t want him to suffer. She could not bear it, she wanted him to be happy just as he would gladly give up everything to make her happy.

“Haldir, wait!” she ran after him. “Wait!” she called out to him again. He came to a slow halt, still unable to look at her. She realized he was crying. She had never seen him cry; not when their son was born or when they had bound to each other, never.   
When she reached him, she placed a hand on his chest, to convey the importance of her message. He glanced at her hand, it was the first time for months she had touched him to intimately.

“Hal, it is not your fault. It’s not. None of it. You’re a good father and a good husband. It is I who does not deserve your love. I have not been good and kind like you. Far from it. I didn’t want to be pregnant again, Toby had just started school and I wanted time to myself. The baby was going to take that from me and I resented it. I was angry I could not control my circumstances and I took it out on you. And I have been a terrible wife. I have been so awful to you. Because I wanted to hurt you. I thought you didn’t care and you didn’t understand what I was going through and that made me so angry. I am sorry.”

It was Haldir’s turn to be shocked into silence. Without speaking, his hand found hers that was still on his chest. He gently took her hand into his.

“Do you still love me?” he asked. No, he was begging for an answer.

“Yes, I have always loved you. I lost my way for a while but that has never changed” she said with conviction. “I want to be bound to you for all of time. Like I vowed to do. Because I love you. You’re a good, kind elf. And I am so lucky to have you.” They were both crying now, as their lips met. The first kiss they had had in months. The first expression of their feelings in years. Now perhaps they could finally begin to heal. 


	9. Chapter 9

It had been 9 months since Lara and Haldir started finding a way forward together. A year and a half since her miscarriage. Lara mused at how things had changed. Her daytime hours were occupied by her job as senior archivist. Toberion was thriving in preschool. Haldir had resumed his duties as marchwarden but was making a conscious effort to be away less. Lara had learned to let go of her old resentments; Haldir was learning to express the depth of his affection for Lara – he was trying anyway. Lara would be perfectly happy living her current life, except she recently (and she was quite sure Haldir felt it too) had the pull to bring another child into their family.

_\------_

_Toby was (finally!) sound asleep in bed, after much cajoling about bedtime. The toys were finally put away. Lunches were finally made. Laundry was finally folded. Lara and Haldir looked at each other. Lara felt a thrill when she saw the look of desire her husband was eyeing her with. She smiled, inviting him into the kitchen where she poured them each a glass of wine._

_“How was your day meleth?”she asked casually, sipping her wine._

_“Quiet. A good thing. The orc numbers are steadily decreasing. We have not seen peace like this in centuries” Haldir reported, with military precision._

_“Hmm, that’s to be expected with Sauron’s defeat, no?” Lara questioned. Haldir nodded in the affirmative. Lara chuckled inwardly; her husband would never be a charismatic speaker. But he was making an effort to be away less and to tell her how much he cared for her more often. “I saw Issa today, she’s had her baby, a daughter…”_

_Haldir’s face remained impassive. “How wonderful. Pass on my congratulations.”_

_“I did” Lara answered. “I’ve always wanted a daughter. Toby is wonderful, but a daughter is different…” she trailed off wistfully. She studied her husband. When the thought of more children first entered her mind, she had pushed it away harshly, afraid it would open an old wound. As time went on, she thought less about her miscarriage and more of how a daughter would be a loved addition to the family. “Would you want another child Haldir?” she asked cautiously._

_Her husband’s eyes shone with joy, yet his expression betrayed none of it. “I would not if it would be difficult for you.”_

_Lara thought it a rather cryptic answer. “Are you worried about me?”_

_“I worry it would bring you sadness. I worry for your health. You seem happy, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted. Of course I desire another child, nothing would make me happier, but the price of your wellbeing is not one I am willing to pay.” Perhaps her husband was more eloquent than she thought._

_“Hal, if you’d asked me several months ago, I would not even considered it. But now, I think I’m ready to try again” Lara said, hoping Haldir would agree. By the smile that spread on to his face, she gathered he did. The marchwarden gathered her in his strong arms and bestowed upon her the sweetest kiss. As he moved his head away, she reached behind his head and gently pulled him back towards her. The wine glasses lay forgotten as he carried her into their bedroom._

_Haldir lay her gently on the bed and began to undress. She waited a little before she did the same, so as to be able to watch him. He was perfectly muscled, his body exuded masculine strength and virility. She loved that he looked bashful when he saw her staring. He moved to help her undo her clothes. Having her husband remove her clothes was one of the most sensual things she had ever experienced, Lara thought. No, what comes next was._

_Despite his ferocity on the battlefield, Haldir was a gentle lover. It was no surprise to his wife who knew the kindness of his heart. He brushed away a loose strand of hair that had fallen across her face. “I love you” he whispered, brimming with affection. Lara had no doubt he meant it. “But perhaps before we try conceiving, you should see the healer? Make sure you’re well enough to.”_

_Lara smiled, her husband was so selfless. “Alright, let’s go tomorrow for I don’t want to wait much longer.”  
Elven children were conceived when both parents wished it and the valars granted it. So tonight, they would make love, conceiving would wait just a little longer. Haldir was kissing her now, making a trail from her mouth down to her navel. Lara parted her legs. And Haldir slowly slid into her, bringing her immeasurable pleasure. Their bodies were joined but so were their souls, it was such a powerful feeling Lara was breathless. _

_\-----------_

The next day, Lara sat on the examining table fidgeting as she waited for her appointment with the healer. Haldir had come with her and stood stoically. The door swung open and the healer, the same one that had saved her life during her miscarriage walked in.

“My lady Lara, marchwarden. Good to see you under better circumstances. How are you?”

“I’m feeling fine.” Lara answered.

“What can I do for you?” the healer prompted.

“Haldir and I would like to try to conceive again. We wanted to know if it would be safe.”

The healer nodded understandably. “I will have to examine you. It seems you have recovered otherwise though. Let’s have a look.”

Lara lay down on the examining table and positioned herself for the exam. Sensing her anxiety, Haldir moved to hold her hand. He seemed calm, stoic as ever. The exam was uncomfortable, far more so than she had anticipated. She squeezed her husband’s hand but could still not help but wince and draw in a quick breath. The marchwarden’s calloused hands were reassuring and strong, she was glad he was with her. Lara’s anxieties rose as the healer’s expression changed into a frown. She quickly readied herself after the exam.

“My Lady, marchwarden, I – I’m very sorry. It seems the womb had extensive damage from the miscarriage. It sometimes happens when the child was lost at a late stage of pregnancy…” the healer said. He was having difficulty finding words, which made Lara realize that he was giving her bad news.

“What are you saying” she asked, panicked. 

“The womb is very scarred. The chances of conceiving are very slim” the healer finally concluded.

“How slim?” Lara demanded, her voice now rising. Haldir put a reassuring hand on her shoulder but she hardly felt it. She was too upset to receive any of his calming influence.

“My lady, it would be hard to quantify. There is always hope” the healer tried to placate her. She saw through it.

“How slim, you must know to some degree” she insisted.

The healer looked at Haldir, as if seeking permission to tell her the awful truth. She did not need Haldir to protect her. “Tell me” she commanded him.

“My lady, the chances of conceiving now would be almost non existent” the healer finally said. Lara sat back. She tried to say something but could not find the words. She felt as though something was crushing her chest. Tears threatened to fall but she resolved not to allow it. No, she would not cry over something she could not change. She refused to.

Haldir excused the healer and soon they were alone. He moved to stand in front of her and held her hands. At last, Haldir broke the silence. “Meleth, the most important thing is that you’re healthy.”

Lara stood up abruptly and began to fasten her cloak. “Meleth, if you need a moment…” her husband suggested. No, she did not need a moment. She just wanted to leave the healing telan as soon as possible. She could not stand being there a moment longer. “I’m fine. We got the answers we came for, let’s go” she said curtly. He could see through the wall she was putting up, he could feel her pain through their bond.   
“Lara…” he tried again.

“Haldir, I just want to leave!” she shouted, before storming out of the room.

Lara’s way to cope with the devastating news was the pretend like it didn’t happen. To allow herself to think about it would be too painful. It had been a huge mistake, she thought, to revisit this whole idea. She was perfectly happy with her life as it was, and damnit, she was going to prove it to everyone.

The marchwarden’s wife began putting in longer hours at the archives, and her career was soaring as a result. Lara had landed several caches of documents recently from various realms, and was now searching for another huge trove of papers from Gondor’s library. Toby was becoming more independent every day. Haldir had learned not the broach the subject, after his attempts were harshly shut down. He silently worried for her, feeling her agony through their bond. He knew it was not good for his wife not to process such immense grief, but there was little he could do when she did not want to hear any of it. They had told no one, Lara was adamant. Consequently, there was no one to share their grief with or to console them. Haldir knew the news had hurt Lara deeply, likely more than him. Elves traditionally grieved together, it was part of healing, but Lara abjectly refused it.

Sunday dinners at Rumil and Inaya’s had become a tradition. Inaya was always the better cook and she liked to host the whole family. Lara always knew Inaya was better at domestic duties and happily let her have the distinction.

“More wine?” Orophin offered her. It was her fourth (or fifth?) glass, but why not? Lara held out her wine glass as she attempted to ignore the concerned look on her husband’s face. The alcohol dulled her senses, and she preferred that to having to feel the emptiness inside her. “How is work anyway?” The youngest of her husband’s brothers asked as he poured the wine.

“Good, we’re very close to finalizing a deal with Gondor to retrieve and restore some of the documents from their national library. It’s a huge trove of priceless materials” she answered. She liked talking about her work. She was proud of what she did. It was a safe topic.

Rumil smiled. “Good for you! You were always the most learned in the family. None of us brothers ever liked reading a book. We were too busy causing a ruckus, indoors and out!” He declared. “You didn’t like to study much either, did you Inaya?” he asked his wife.

“Speak for yourself, Rumil!” she teased.

“I’ve not seen you open a book!” Rumil jested.

“That’s because I’m too busy taking care of you and our little ones” she snapped, the smile never leaving her face.

Lara almost dropped her glass when she realized the enormity of what her sister in law had just said. By the silence of the room, she guessed Haldir and Orophin had heard it too. Her eyes roved to Inaya. The elleth was indeed slightly paler than usual, rounder in the face. Lara realized she had noticed Inaya was wearing a loose dress today, hiding a very slight rounding of her abdomen. She was not surprised Inaya hadn’t confided in her. There was a time they had been close, but Lara had not seen any of her friends for months, preferring the solitude of the archives. She did not work alone at the archives, but it was a world removed. The elves she worked there with were scholars, their discussions intellectual. So far from the soldiers and their sometimes rough-talk that inhabited her husband’s domain.

Inaya blushed deeply. Rumil smiled with pride. “Oh I gave it away. I wanted to wait a little longer, but I’m starting to show. We’re having twins!”

Orophin rose from the table and congratulated the couple (“such wonderful news!”) Haldir followed, a genuine smile and warm clasp on the shoulder for his brother, kisses on both cheeks for Inaya. Lara took this time to steady herself. Orophin and Haldir had offered their good wishes, now everyone turned to her. She refused to let her grief, jealousy, anger show. She stood up gracefully and kissed Rumil on the cheeks, murmuring her happy wishes. Then she stepped in front of Inaya. The elleth seemed uncertain, she eyed Lara cautiously, silently pleading for Lara’s understanding that her happy news was not meant to make Lara upset.   
Lara smiled. “I’m so happy for you and Rumil. Congratulations”

Inaya continued to regard her with doe like eyes. “Truly?”

“Of course!” Lara insisted.

A relieved smile broke out. “Oh I’m so relieved! I wasn’t sure if it was too soon after what happened but now that I know you’re alright, I can properly announce it!” Inaya enthused. The parents to be spent the rest of the evening discussing all things baby, as first-time parents tend to do in their excitement. Lara offered the occasional agreements, making sure to keep a smile on her face. She would not look at Haldir, for she knew he could see her misery. When at long last, they returned home, Lara excused herself and put Toby to bed. Then she cleaned the kitchen and took extra time preparing for bed, hoping Haldir would fall asleep before she came into the bedroom.   
No such luck. He was sitting on their bed, patiently waiting for her. A wave of anger washed over her. Couldn’t he just let it go?

“It’s a wonderful thing, Rumil and Inaya expecting” he ventured.

“Yes, of course it is” Lara agreed, busying herself again tidying up the various open books and papers on the night stand.

“Meleth,” he took her hand so she had to meet his gaze. “It’s alright to be upset by it. We can talk about it.”

Then she really lost it. “How many times do I have to tell you, I don’t want to talk about it!” She shouted.

“Lara, I see you suffering. I don’t want that for you” Haldir pleaded with her.

“Leave me alone!” she screamed.


	10. Chapter 10

The ellon was tall and handsome, Haldir could tell even from a distance. He had a dignified, confident bearing, despite having travelled for days on horseback. His riding clothes were the finest elven garments, fitting for his station and noble birth. He made no attempt to hide himself, knowing the border guards were watching and expecting him. Orophin, the sentry on duty, jumped from the treetop canopy, landing softly in front of the visitor. Behind him, appeared more troops led by their marchwarden.

“What business have you in the Golden woods?” Orophin asked.

“I am Eldrin, elven ambassador to Gondor. I come for state business, expected by the Lord and Lady of the Woods” the elf answered proudly. He did not flinch at the sudden appearance of the soldiers.

Haldir stepped in front of his brother. “Welcome, Lord Eldrin, we have been expecting you. Please allow us to accompany you into the city. I am Haldir, marchwarden of the Galadhrim” he said, with a bow. The diplomat acknowledged him with a nod. Then, Eldrin dismounted. He would walk the rest of the way into the city leading his horse behind him, it was a sign of respect for the Lord and Lady of the woods.

“I’ve forgotten how beautiful these woods are, I have not visited in many years. I am most glad that business has brought me back” Eldrin remarked.

“I understand you are accompanying the senior archivist to Gondor, to retrieve documents from their library for preservation at the Lorien Archives” Haldir acknowledged.

Eldrin was clearly surprised that the marchwarden knew the purpose of his trip. “Yes, it has been a long negotiation between our two states, but we have finally achieved it. This will preserve Gondor’s knowledge and history for generations to come. I cannot take much credit, most of it goes to the archivist whom I will be accompanying to Gondor, Lady Lara.”

“Lady Lara is very talented indeed” Haldir said, beaming with pride.

“Mmmhmm, I do admit, I am personally escorting her to Gondor because I am most eager to see her. It has been many years since our last encounter.” It was Eldrin’s turn to smile.

“You and Lady Lara are acquainted?” the marchwarden inquired. The other wardens were now listening intently, they did not like this Lord Eldrin’s tone regarding their beloved marchwarden’s wife.

“We were close as elflings. Her parents had a second home in Mirkwood, where there was extended family. They used to visit regularly. We were as thick as thieves, you might say. She was the smartest elleth, or elf for that matter, I had ever met. I always knew she would be successful at whatever path she chose. Corresponding with her so frequently in the last year has reminded me of those wonderful times when we were children. As men would say, she’s the one who got away” Eldrin said casually. He was amongst his own people now, and not worried about having a slightly loose tongue.

“Lady Lara is married, with a child” Orophin spoke up, interjecting in the conversation.

“Yes, I’d heard she married some uneducated brute. Such a shame she bonded to someone who does not appreciate her talents…” Eldrin said wistfully.

Haldir stared down his soldiers, for more than one certainly had a murderous look. He was sure Lara had never mentioned the newly arrived ellon. Or perhaps she had mentioned him, once or twice? In passing?

Lara and Lady Elyna were waiting at the city gates, to receive the dignitary. She looked particularly ravishing, having put special effort in her appearance to receive an ambassador. She had worn one of the gowns her parents had gifted her before sailing west, made of the finest silk and silver trimmings. When she put it on that morning, she realized it was the first time she had ever worn it. A marchwarden’s wife did not have many opportunities to wear such fine clothing, plus she did not like reminding Haldir of her family’s wealth and title. Her husband had never objected to or asked her to hide it, but she had felt uncomfortable reminding him or his family of how different she was. Haldir’s father had been a warden, and his brothers had followed him into the guard. Inaya’s was also from a military family, her father and brothers having served. She never wanted any of her in laws to feel like she thought she was any better than they.

Lara’s eyes widened as she saw the visitor approach, though she maintained her composure. Eldrin greeted Elyna first, bowing formally when she recited the formal words of elven welcome. When he approached Lara, he broke out in a warm, genuine smile.

“Lara, it’s been too long” he said, opening his arms to invite her for an embrace, knowing she would give it, as it was the only way the two ever greeted each other. She did not disappoint as she launched into his arms. “Eldrin, I didn’t know it was going to be you!” she was clearly delighted by the surprise. He lifted her off the ground and spun her around a full circle before letting her go.

“I wanted to surprise you. When I saw your correspondence, I knew we would meet soon. Hence, I deliberately signed all my letters with my title as ambassador, avoiding my given name” he explained, giving her a wink.

“Well you surely surprised me, I didn’t suspect a thing!” Lara exclaimed. The way they spoke casually, touched each other with ease showed that the two were indeed very close friends. Orophin’s eyes narrowed further at the ellon.

“When should I be ready for dinner?” Eldrin asked, while awaiting his bags to be removed from his horse’s saddle.

“You are scheduled for an audience with the lord and lady this afternoon. You have some time to freshen up before then. Afterwards, Elyna and I will meet you at the archives for a working dinner. We will be reviewing the provisions of the treaty for the document handover and preservation one last time to make sure everything is in order. Tomorrow, is the celebratory feast the lord and lady are hosting to mark the cooperation between us and Gondor.” Lara recited.

“Excellent, I look forward to it” Eldrin murmured, never taking his eyes off of Lara. She was just as beautiful as he remembered.

Elyna saw the chemistry between them, it was obvious to everyone present. “Well, it seems to me the two of you have it covered. I doubt I’ll be needed at dinner this evening. Besides, I’m sure you have much to catch up on.”

Lara continued smiling, though she was inwardly puzzled. Elyna took her work seriously, bowing out of a working dinner was unusual. It caused her little concern, as she was looking forward to catching up with her old friend.

As if suddenly remembering, Eldrin turned around and found Haldir. “Marchwarden, will you see that my horse is properly stabled?” His attitude did not win him any respect amongst the wardens present.

“Eldrin, you’ve met my husband, Haldir” when Lara noticed Haldir amongst the group of wardens who had accompanied the ambassador.

Eldrin did not let his shock show, he had not known he had been speaking to Lara’s husband. The only sign of embarrassment was a slight flushing of the tip of his ears, unnoticed by Lara. Eldrin was lucky that years as a diplomat had trained him to keep his composure in the most uncomfortable settings.   
“Of course, Haldir, thank you for walking me into the city” Eldrin said, bowing formally.

“Well met, ambassador” was the marchwarden’s curt response.

That night, Haldir and Toberion had Sunday dinner at Rumil’s without Lara. The elfling, as usual, shoved several bites of food in his mouth before declaring he was done and ran outside to join his friends. Lara would normally have insisted he finish at least half his plate before playing, but Haldir was too distracted on this day. When the adults were sure Toby was gone, the conversation turned to the most pressing issue at hand.   
“How is Lara” Rumil asked.

“She is at her working dinner tonight with the ambassador, she mentioned it here last week I believe” Haldir said.

“I heard all about that Lord Eldrin, the nerve!” Rumil said, as if the name left a terrible taste in his mouth.

_Haldir came home that afternoon to find Lara busily organizing papers in preparation for her dinnertime meeting with lord Eldrin. He stood silently for a moment, remarking on how he had possibly bonded to an elleth of her intelligence and beauty. He never tired of looking at her, desiring her_ , _loving her. He would do whatever it took, he vowed, to keep their marriage together. He knew she was punishing herself, lashing out at others. She must be so angry and hurt. His wife was someone who did not like to show weakness, liked to keep it all together in front of others. With her miscarriage being public knowledge, Lara had been forced to bare her vulnerability publicly._

_He came up behind her, kissing her gently on the cheeks. “You are beautiful” he murmured._

_“Haldir, I’m busy. I’m meeting Eldrin in an hour” she brushed him off._

_He was used to her shrugging off his affections now. “I’ve never heard you mention him before” he ventured, after he took a step back.  
“We haven’t seen each other since before I was married Hal. He’s been busy running his family’s affairs, I didn’t even know he was ambassador” she said nonchalantly. _

_“You were close friends when you were young?” he asked._

_“Yes, our families have been friendly for centuries. My parents and I used to summer in Mirkwood often, and we had many adventures together” she answered, a tone of nostalgia evident._

_Now that Lara’s papers had been removed from the table, an envelope appeared. “When are you going to send your RSVP to Inaya, for the blessing ceremony?” Haldir asked, seeing the invitation. Expectant mothers held blessing ceremonies, where family and friends gathered to celebrate the anticipated arrival of an elfling. The invitation had been sitting on the desk untouched for weeks._

_“I’ve been busy” Lara mumbled, looking away._

_“Lara, please can we talk about this. I don’t want you to be torturing yourself, hiding away from your friends, from me” Haldir pleaded. He didn’t want to push her or upset her, but he could not stand by and watch as his wife fight a losing battle with her grief._

_Lara threw down her papers in anger. “I told you, I’m fine. I don’t need to talk about anything.”_

_“You are not fine. You are not well. I am your bond mate, you don’t think I feel your pain and anguish? Let me in, Lara. Let me help you. This cannot go on” he insisted._

_“Or what, you’ll leave me for an elleth who can give you the daughter you want?” Lara said, she sure knew how to put up walls._

_“What I want most of all is your happiness” Haldir said, shaking his head._

“Someone needs to punch him in that pretty face of his. I don’t know why you didn’t Hal, when he called you an uneducated brute” Orophin sneered.

The table looked at Haldir. “Things have been difficult for her. Anyone who makes Lara happy, I won’t object.”

“Brother, you have taken much anger from her. It is not right” Orophin continued.

“She is my wife Orophin, no matter what she does, I will love and cherish her. That is the vow I made when I bonded to her. For better or worse, for eternity” Haldir’s voice rose. The marchwarden rarely showed any emotion, but tonight, he was letting go of some of his burden. “I cannot imagine, she carried that child for 8 months and to have it all ripped away. I was not there for her as I should have been. She won’t forgive herself, especially now when she knows she can’t have another child. So Orophin, anything that brings her joy, I will tolerate even if it breaks my damn heart!”


	11. Chapter 11

Lara chose a navy blue, off the shoulder gown for the feast. The gown, another she had never had the chance to wear before, was purchased shortly before her marriage on a shopping trip with a friend. It had cost a pretty penny, not that Lara cared then, for her father never denied her anything. The city was abuzz with excitement about the event. As she finished putting on her earrings, completing the outfit, Haldir walked into the bedroom. She was taken aback at how handsome he was in his Galadhrim dress uniform, she smiled recalling how Haldir had been (and still was) the object of many a female’s fantasy. His hair was pleated carefully in a formal way, which he rarely wore, as he did not attend many formal events. She knew, no matter how much affection he attracted from the opposite sex, he had never and would never waver in his fidelity. Could she say the same about herself? Eldrin’s arrival has stirred up emotions she didn’t know she had, a sense of nostalgia for a much happier time in her life. She’d forgotten that there was someone other than her husband who understood her so well. She wondered if Eldrin knew her better than her husband.

_The knock on the door was firm, Lara half expected Haldir to be called away to duty by a sentry._

_“Lord Eldrin” she heard Haldir greet._

_“Marchwarden, I thought I’d escort Lady Lara to the archives instead of meeting her there for our working dinner” Eldrin said casually, stepping into the flet. Lara had heard Eldrin’s arrival, and she called out that she would be with them shortly, needing a few more moments to organize yet more papers in the bedroom._

_Toby, who was running around playing with a toy bow suddenly skidded to a halt when he noticed the visitor in the flet._

_“Our son, Toberion” Haldir introduced. The elfling appraised the visitor curiously._

_“Hello Toberion, I’m Eldrin, an old friend of your nana’s” Eldrin introduced himself, crouching down so he was eye level with the child. He eyed Haldir, before remarking, “he looks very much like Lara did when she was a child.” Making the point that he, not her husband, knew what Lara had looked like as a child._

_“You knew nana was she was an elfling?” Toby asked, the notion that his mother had once been a child like him seemed to amuse him._

_“Oh yes, we were very very good friends. She told me all of her secrets” Eldrin replied. “Your nana wanted to be an adventurer when she was your age” he then turned to look at Haldir, “it seems like she took a detour from that, but luckily she’s back on track. It would’ve been a waste otherwise, to live as a mere marchwarden’s housewife.”_

_Haldir was not about to allow someone to come into his home and throw insults. He roughly grabbed Eldrin’s arm and jerked him back up to standing. Being handled in this manner startled Eldrin. “Do not insult my wife in front of me, I will not tolerate it” Haldir said in a calm, but dangerous voice. The volume was low, so as to escape Toby’s attention._

_Eldrin looked equally calm as he replied “I do not insult your wife marchwarden.”_

_Just then, Lara entered the room. She stopped momentarily, as she took in the scene in front of her, confusion on her face. “Everything alright?”_

_“Yes, your husband was just introducing me to your little one, Toby. He’s looks just like you Lara, when you were that age” Eldrin said lightly. Haldir let go of his grip and said nothing._

_“Really, you think so? Lucky he’s not as mischievous like I was” she smirked, oblivious to the tension in the room._

_“Oh I remember all that” Eldrin teased, shooting another glance at Haldir._

_“You didn’t have to come all this way, we were going to meet at the archives I thought?” Lara remarked._

_“I thought I’d bring you this” Eldrin said, taking out a package, wrapped in delicate tissue paper._

_Lara’s eyebrows raised, and she took the package and unwrapped it. A jewelry box appeared, and inside was a large exquisitely crafted pendant necklace of sapphire, surrounded by diamonds. Lara gasped. “Your mother’s –“_

_“Sapphire pendant” Eldrin finished. “As you know she sailed west with my father a few years ago. She didn’t get to see you before she left, but she wanted you to have this. You used to play with it when she wore it at parties and balls and were fascinated with it…”_

_“I remember” Lara breathed, gently fingering the piece. The way the light sparkled off the gems gave a young Lara hours of delight._

_“She always thought of you as a daughter, and she didn’t have any of her own so she thought it would find a good home with you. I should’ve got it to you earlier, but I wanted to give it to you in person. Nana always treasured the time our families spent together, as did I.” Eldrin finished._

_Lara’s eyes filled with tears. She hadn’t thought of those carefree years of her childhood for a very long time. Looking back on it, she’d had an idyllic, sheltered, privileged childhood. Her parents used to visit Mirkwood frequently, their vacation home was larger and more luxurious than most of the telans in Lorien. Her summers there were filled with carefree playing with a group of elflings (Eldrin chief amongst them), not a worry in the world._

_“I regretted not seeing your parents before they sailed. They left shortly after mine…and then I was pregnant with Toby” Lara whispered._

_“It’s alright, nana understood. I’m glad I’ve finally fulfilled her wishes to get this to you” Eldrin said gently, touching her arm. “I know it’s nothing compared to the jewelry collection your mother left you but it is of great sentimental value to my family.”_

_“To me too” she whispered back._

_Lara snapped out of her reverie and quickly wiped her eyes. She carefully put the necklace back in the box and gathered up her papers. After a quick goodbye to Toby and Haldir, they were off._

_Once Eldrin and Lara left to make their way to the archives, Haldir picked up the box and opened it. The jewel was obviously one of a kind and invaluable. He had no heirloom of the sort to give to his wife. He thought of his own mother’s lace veil that she had gifted Lara to wear on their wedding day, her most prized possession. Lara had worn it graciously on their wedding, paired with a diamond encrusted head band she had inherited from her own mother. It now seemed so inconsequential compared to the inheritance Lara had just received. He knew Lara had a large jewel collection, she never wore any of it, but from the headband he had glimpsed on their wedding day, he knew it was impressive. He realized a marchwarden’s wife didn’t have any balls to attend or anyone to admire jewellery or expensive clothing. Perhaps that’s why Lara eschewed it. He sighed and looked at his son sadly. The elfling gazed back, “I don’t like him” Toby pouted._

“You look beautiful Lara” her husband said, she knew he meant it.

She smiled, “you are quite handsome yourself. I have no doubt you will be the object of many a young elleth’s fantasies tonight.”

“Me?” Haldir asked, genuinely confused as to why any elleth would be interested in him. 

“Yes, you. Inaya once told me that dreaming of catching the eye of the marchwarden has become a kind of sport amongst the young elleths in these woods” she laughed.

“I – I had no idea.” Haldir said, bewildered. “I have never sought their attention” he emphasized a moment later, in case his wife was upset by it.

“You don’t have to” Lara said nonchalantly. “It’s alright Haldir, I’ve been aware of it for a long time. It doesn’t bother me anymore” she reassured. Anymore, Haldir had not missed her wording. He wondered how much of his wife’s struggles he did not know about. While Lara was the only elleth he had ever desired, he certainly had never been aware of any other ellons affections for her after they had married. Yet tonight gave him pause, Lara was wearing the sapphire and diamond pendant Eldrin had brought her.

“You’re wearing the pendant” he noted.

“Yes, Eldrin’s mother used to pair it whenever she wore a navy gown to a ball and it looked beautiful. I thought I’d give it a try. I don’t know who will inherit this from me” she said wistfully. “Is Toby dressed?” she said, changing the subject and making an effort to banish that sad thought from her mind. Once the child had been wrestled into dress robes, which Lara had no doubt would be covered by the end of the night (if not sooner) with valar-knows-what, the family were on their way.

The feast was held outdoors, candles lit the way to the celebration area. The Lord and Lady had spared no expense in holding the festivities, to celebrate unprecedented cooperation between elves and men, but also an excuse to bring some light hearted fare into the realm after many years of Sauron’s darkness. Toby was just itching to join his friends at the elfling’s table, Lara could tell, as soon as they arrived.

“Nana?” he asked, not even needing to finish the sentence.

Lara smiled, “don’t eat too many sweets” she cautioned, giving him a kiss on the brow before letting him run off. Then she looked at her husband, “no chance he listens to that.”

Haldir laughed, he missed these small family moments. The thought hit him that he didn’t know how many more they would have. With his hand gently at her back, he guided her to the table where his brothers and Inaya were already sitting. Inaya looked radiant, exuding a glow that only expectant mothers seem to have. When she saw Lara, she rushed to her, enveloping her in a warm hug. Lara stiffened immediately, forcing a grimace into a smile.

“Inaya, you look well” she said.

“More energy now that the morning sickness has done. The twins never seem to stop kicking!” the elleth said happily. She did not mean it to upset her sister in law, Lara told herself. “We missed you at last week’s dinner” Inaya added.

“Work, I’m sorry Inaya. Haldir and Toby came still” Lara said lightly. She had work but she was secretly relieved not to have to go to Rumil’s and see Inaya in all her pregnant happiness. It was painful, to be reminded of what she’d lost and now could never have. She had missed several dinners lately, coming up with one reason or another. Lara quickly moved on to greet Haldir’s brothers.

The Lord and Lady of Lorien were never big on formalities, so the party did not contain many speeches or an official program. Mainly, elves drank and feasted, sang and danced, mingled as they pleased. When the adults were mostly finished eating, the conversations picked up again.

“That’s a gorgeous necklace Lara!” Inaya gushed, she had never seen a piece so beautiful.

Lara smiled. “It was Eldrin’s mother’s. She had left it to me some time ago but he only brought it yesterday.”

Inaya’s eyes widened. “Eldrin’s mother’s?” In contrast, Haldir’s brothers’ eyes narrowed at the news.

“She was like a second mother to me. Our families used to vacation together in mirkwood. She used to wear this often to balls and I was entranced by it as an elfling” Lara explained.

“I’ve never been to a ball…” Inaya whispered. Balls were typically reserved for nobility.

The music started getting louder, inviting couples onto the dance floor. Haldir stood and offered his wife his hand, inviting her to dance. Lara was taken aback, her husband did not dance. Ever. Intrigued, she took his hand and allowed him to lead her on to the dance floor. He held her close, gently, affectionately as they swayed to the slow melodic music.

“I thought you didn’t dance.”

“I love you Lara, that has never changed. I want our marriage to be a happy one. I want our family to be a loving one. I want you to be happy” Haldir said in a low voice. “Do you still think we have something worth saving?” he asked, afraid to know the answer.

Before she had the chance to answer, Haldir ended his plea with a kiss. A passionate, loving kiss that seemed to convey everything he could not put into words. His sorrow at the pain they’ve gone through, his love, his loyalty.

“Lord Eldrin has some nerve! His mother’s necklace!” Orophin spat, back at the table with Rumil and Inaya.

“Haldir thinks he’s being honorable by doing nothing. It’s a huge mistake, he needs to put that pompous elf in his place!” Rumil fumed.

Unfortunately, Lord Eldrin happened to stop by the table. “I’m seeking Lady Lara” he inquired.

“She is dancing, with her husband” Rumil said in an unfriendly tone.

“You should mind your own business. In Lorien, we do not look kindly upon those who disrespect our marchwarden” Orophin hissed.

“It surprises me that he commands such respect, for it did not seem to me that a Silvan captain of the guard could even read” sneered Eldrin. How Lara, his sweet, kind, brilliant friend could have married a soldier whose birth was so below hers was beyond him and any of their mutual friends. Theirs was noldor blood, noble blood. Lara’s parents had been surprised, disappointed their daughter had not bonded with one of their own, but had supported her decision regardless. Their acquaintances had been less generous.

“Do you wish to defend your words in the sparring ring?” Orophin challenged, knowing an elf of Eldrin’s stature would not decline.

Lara was breathless when Haldir broke the kiss. Before she could say anything, a sentry ran up to them. “Captain, the Lord and Lady request your presence at the sparring ring, immediately.”

Lara stepped back, allowing her husband to rush off. “You too, Lady Lara” the sentry added.

“Me?”

The sentry nodded. 

By the time Lara and Haldir arrived at the sparring ring, some distance away from the festivities, the crowd of soldiers who had surrounded the fight was beginning to break up. As they left, many offered congratulations to the marchwarden for his brother’s job well done. They arrived at the ring just as the last soldiers ordered to leave by Lord Celeborn dispersed. Lara’s jaw dropped open when she saw Eldrin and Orophin, both bloodied and bruised, though Eldrin was much worse for the wear. He was clutching his side, barely able to stand, face bruised and bleeding that he was almost unrecognizable.

“Oh valar, Eldrin, are you alright?” Lara rushed to his side, and pinched his nose to stem the bleeding. She looked at Orophin and realized that the two had been sparring. More than sparring, it was clear it had degenerated to a brawl.

“Orophin, what were you thinking!” Haldir yelled.

“No need for panic Lady Lara, the healers have been called. In my estimation, Lord Eldrin will live.” Lord Celeborn intervened.

“What happened?” Lara asked.

“We were sparring, Lord Eldrin wasn’t as good as he thought” Orophin offered casually.

“That ellon attacked me. Broke all rules of engagement!” Eldrin accused. “I should’ve expected nothing better from an uneducated Silvan elf!”

The Lord and Lady were in a bind. They knew Orophin’s character well, and knew there must have been a good reason for such a beating. But Eldrin was nobility, Mirkwood nobility and an ambassador for their people. While they never distinguished noldor and silvan ancestry, it was quite a hierarchy in other elven realms. Lara, like Eldrin, was noldor nobility.

After a knowing look from Galadriel, Lord Celeborn tried to defuse the situation. “Come now Lord Eldrin. I was once in the guards myself, and have been on the receiving end of such sparring. Orophin was just too eager to show you his skills.”

This left Eldrin no options. “No doubt, he was too eager.”

“Well, this leaves us with quite the problem” Galadriel said. Seeing the confused faces, she continued. “You most certainly cannot go to Gondor in this state, Lord Eldrin. You are due to leave in 2 days. We will have to find a replacement.”

“Of course, my Lady” Eldrin said, through gritted teeth.

“Marchwarden, why don’t you accompany your wife? You are familiar with the roads, undoubtedly capable of protecting her on the journey. You fought with King Elessar at Helm’s Deep, you’re the obvious choice” Lady Galadriel said.

“My Lady, our son…” Lara interjected.

“Your son can stay with his aunt and uncle I’m sure? It is not a long trip. It is your duty to make sure this collaboration between our two peoples comes together without a hitch” Galadriel insisted.

“Yes my Lady” Lara and Haldir said, bowing.

The lord and lady escorted the injured Eldrin to the healing flets, it was the least they could do for the high noble.

“Orophin, have you lost your mind?” Lara demanded, once they were alone.

“I gave that bastard what he deserved” her brother in law snapped.

“Orophin, I don’t need you to fight my battles for me” Haldir said sternly.

Lara looked between the brothers. “What are you talking about?”

The younger brother glared at Lara. “You may be of noble birth, but you don’t deserve my brother” he said, before limping away angrily.


	12. Chapter 12

Haldir stoked the campfire intently, he was rewarded by the fire roaring to life. It was their first night on the road. They had eaten a simple dinner and now Haldir was making coffee over the fire.

_The bags were packed and saddled on their horses. The last thing to do was bid their son a goodbye._

_Lara gently stroked her son’s soft blond hair. He had buried himself on her chest, a “monster hug” he called it. He smelled of leaves and wood, she reciprocated his cuddle.  
“We’ll be back before you know it” Lara murmured. The elfling sniffled as he held back tears, trying to be brave. _

_“What would you like us to bring you from Gondor?” Lara prompted. The young child shrugged._

_Haldir, in turn, also gave their son an affectionate hug. “Will you be good for uncle Orophin?”_

_Toby nodded silently._

Lara finished setting up their sleeping kits and joined Haldir at the campfire. He handed her a cup of hot coffee which she received gratefully. After a few sips, she voiced her concerns. “I’m not sure we should have let Toby stay with Orophin.”

Haldir’s eyebrows raised and he turned to his wife. “I would trust Orophin with my life. He may feed our son too much cake, but he’s responsible and Toby will be well looked after.”

“You call what he did to Eldrin responsible?” Lara challenged. The beating Haldir’s middle brother had given Eldrin was on her mind. They had not had the opportunity to discuss it before they left.   
“He is loyal. He was defending me.” Haldir said simply.

“From Eldrin?” Lara pushed, the entire situation confusing her.

“Believe it or not Lara, there are some of your friends who do not think I am good enough for you.” Haldir said, pushing back. “Orophin did not like Eldrin’s opinion and he took it upon himself to teach the Lord a lesson, the soldier’s way. It was wrong, and I will speak to him about it.”

Lara considered Haldir’s answer for a moment. Then, replied in a softer tone. “Eldrin insulted you?” Her husband did not need to speak an answer. Haldir was proud, and Eldrin’s accusation would’ve hurt. “Why didn’t you beat him up yourself?”

“Because, I don’t want to hurt someone you care about.” Haldir answered patiently.

Lara nodded in understanding. “It’s not true” she said forcefully.

“What’s not true?” Haldir asked.

“It’s not true that I’m too good for you. I know what some – some of the Noldor think. But it’s stupid. I’ve never cared about who your family is, and what you did for a living Haldir. I married you because I fell in love with you. I fell in a love with a good, loyal, honest person. I knew you would be a good father. And if Eldrin can’t see that, then he is a fool.” Lara explained, folding her arms in frustration. Her life choices were hers to make and she didn’t want the judgement of others.

“I’ve made mistakes in our marriage Lara. I have not been there for you when I should have. I regret it, more than you know.” Her husband said heavily. It was his turn to confess.

She had not shown her husband much empathy in the recent months, but tonight she would. “You had obligations, to the survival of our people, there is not greater duty than that” Lara justified.

“I should have been there when our children were born. It’s – unforgiveable that I wasn’t. I don’t blame you for your anger. It was also my duty to be there when they came into this world” Haldir said quietly. Lara was only just discovering how insightful her husband was.

“Well, if you really want to know, with Toby my contractions started in the afternoon. I was doing dishes at the sink when I felt the first one. My water broke about an hour later. The labor lasted 18 hours. Your son was stubborn and took his time descending. I pushed for another 2 hours after that and he was born the next day at midday. The first thing I noticed were his beautiful blue eyes. They were your eyes, and your father’s eyes.” Lara recounted, meeting her husband’s gaze. Emotion welled up in Haldir, he knew Lara could tell he was grateful to her for telling him. She sighed. “Orophin said I didn’t deserve you. I’ve been angry and I took it out on you. And you have born it silently and patiently. And Phin was right, I didn’t deserve such good treatment. You may not have been there the day he was born, but you’ve been there for Toby when it mattered.”

“You’ve felt alone for much of our marriage. And you were alone when our daughter - ” Haldir’s voice caught in his throat. “I am sorry.”

Lara said nothing. She didn’t have the energy to contemplate that topic this night. She rested her head on his shoulder and Haldir reciprocated by putting an arm around her. They sat in that position silently for a long time, until Lara could no longer fight her fatigue and she dozed off.

The next morning, brought a new détente between them. Lara was no longer hostile. They were not intimate, but they were polite. Each knew they had a job to complete on the trip and it would go smoother if they worked together.

The elven party received a royal welcome. The courtiers were dressed in their finest, the soldiers that lined the path to the great hall of Gondor wore their dress uniforms. When they reached the throne where King Elessar and Queen Arwen were seated, Lara and Haldir bowed in respect.

“Your highnesses” they said in unison. Even though Haldir and Aragorn fought in the war together, and Arwen and Lara had known each other when they were children, their current titles required official decorum.

Aragorn and Arwen rose and immediately dispensed with the formality. The King grasped Haldir’s shoulder’s tightly. “Marchwarden, it has been too long!” Aragorn exclaimed, before pulling Haldir into a hug. It was like Helm’s Deep all over again, except this time the circumstances were much more pleasant.

“My Lady” Lara curtsied. Arwen broke out into a smile, and kissed Lara on both cheeks.

“It is wonderful to see you again. I am so glad to have a visit from an elleth!” Arwen said delightedly.

The visitors’ bags were unsaddled and taken to their rooms. The white halls of Minas Tirith did not disappoint. The palace had been restored to its former glory after the destruction of the war and Haldir and Lara were each given lavish guest rooms. They were shown to their lodgings personally by the King and Queen.

“The official business is but a formality. Arwen and I are so pleased to have our kin visit. It is a welcome reprieve” Aragorn said warmly.   
They arrived at their staterooms. “Join me for tea after you freshen up?” Arwen asked, to which Lara curtsied (“Oh stop that! It’s not like we don’t know each other!”)

“While the ladies go for tea, we shall go for a ride on the plains” Aragorn suggested, to which Haldir heartily accepted.

With her luggage unpacked, Lara bathed and changed into a fresh dress. She was led to a warm sunny room, with large windows. It was the Queen’s sitting room, Lara gathered, from the soft tones of fabric and feminine furniture. Arwen was already pouring out the tea when Lara sat down.   
“Feel better?”

“Much more refreshed, thank you your highness” Lara answered.

Arwen frowned. “Call me Arwen, we were friends as children. Everyone here calls me your highness, there’s no need for titles amongst kin.” Lara smiled and nodded. Arwen enthusiastically cut a slice of fruit cake for each of them and served it on the delicate china. Lara made light conversation, updating the Queen on the latest news from Lorien. They each inquired after their respective children.

“How are you settling in to being Queen?” Lara asked. She hoped the question was not too intrusive.

“It has its challenges” Arwen said thoughtfully. “There are many expectations, duties, protocols. When I feel constrained by it, I remind myself that I am not alone. That Aragorn is with me and our love is worth it.”

“That’s a wonderful way of thinking about it” Lara said approvingly.

“Lara, I hope I’m not being too forward. I heard from my grandmother about the loss of your baby. I am very sorry.” Arwen said gently. Lara visibly stiffened. No doubt Arwen had received the news from her grandmother. She had avoided her friends and those close to her so that she wouldn’t have to talk about. But she could not refuse royalty.

“I just wanted to tell you that I know it must be so lonely. What happened to you, it’s unheard of for elves. No one in Lorien would really know what you went through. But, for mortal women, it is not uncommon to lose a pregnancy, even in the late stages.” Arwen explained.

“Really?” Lara choked out.

“Gondor lost many healers during the war, we’ve not yet recovered all that knowledge. So from time to time, Aragorn and myself are called upon. Elven healing skills are rare here. I’ve attended many births, they are not all happy occasions. Many women have gone through what you have Lara. I just wanted you to know that.”

Lara could say nothing, for all her energy was consumed in holding back her tears. The company of Queen Arwen was not the time to let loose her emotions; she was relieved when she successfully beat it back.

The two horses carrying the King and Marchwarden galloped mightily along the plains. When they finally came to a stop, both were breathless. Aragorn gestured over the vast expanse.

“We are planning to build new homes just beyond that ridge. Recovery has been steady since the war.” Aragorn said proudly.

“The realm is in good hands with you Aragorn” Haldir nodded approvingly.

“Governing is not so different from being a soldier. I still do battle every day, only now it’s in the council room rather than the field” Aragorn smirked. Then his expression turned serious. “I could not do it without Arwen’s support. People think she is lucky to have married a King. Truth is, I am lucky one.”

Haldir nodded in understanding. “How are you and your wife coping?” Aragorn asked. Haldir turned his head in surprise.

“I don’t mean to pry, but I heard what happened.”

Deciding that he could confide in his old comrade, Haldir nevertheless chose his words carefully. “It has been difficult. Lara suffers and she won’t let me help her. She’s angry at me, and has good reason to be” Haldir confessed.

Aragorn gave the elf a sympathetic look. “We soldiers make sacrifices but so do our families. Theirs is often unseen and unappreciated. Don’t give up my friend. Your bond will pull you through this.”

The couples reunited at the end of the day. As Haldir escorted Lara back to their rooms for the night, the King and Queen looked at each other lovingly. “I think there’s still hope for them” Arwen murmured.

Several days later, the foursome were taking a stroll in the courtyard gardens. The flowers had first been planted by a Queen centuries before, each successive generation contributed their own style and preference. The result was a beautiful array of unique flowers. Lara remarked at the uniquely colored roses, carnation yellow and baby blue. Most of all, Lara found the garden peaceful. The group’s light chatter was suddenly interrupted by a squire running at full speed towards them.

“Your highnesses, the head healer bid you come quickly!”

“What’s happened?” Arwen asked.

“It’s Carwyn, the kitchen maid, highness. Something has gone terribly wrong and the healers say there is nothing more they can do. She will surely die if you can’t help” The squire said breathlessly.

Without further explanation, Arwen and Aragorn followed the servant in a sprint. Haldir and Lara followed without hesitation, hoping to be able to offer whatever assistance was required. They entered what was obviously the servant quarters of the palace, without any hesitation. Lara knew the King and Queen would help whoever needed it, servant or noble. Only when Lara burst into the room, after the rest of the group, did she realize what was happening. The scene in front of her was paralyzing. It triggered the worst memories and she found herself backing up against the wall, struggling to breathe.

Carwyn was the young woman on the bed, in a labor that was clearly going wrong. She expectant mother was screaming in agony, perspiring and breathing hard. Bloodied bandages were strewn all over the place. A young man, presumably the husband and child’s father, stood anxiously at the head of the bed, begging the healer to do something, anything. The scene was all too familiar. While Lara stood frozen against the wall, the others sprang into action.

Arwen took Carwyn’s hand and offered her soothing words. She then began to coach the woman to breathe slowly and steadily. Aragorn conversed urgently with the healer, the conversation seemed tense. Haldir put his arm around the young man, leading him back a few steps, so as not to worsen his wife’s anxieties.

“She’s been in labour for hours, no progression, and she’s beginning to tire” Lara heard the healer say.

Though her peripheral vision was beginning to blur, she could see Aragorn reaching over Carwyn’s pregnant belly to feel for the position of the baby.

“The child is sideways, that’s why it hasn’t descended into the birth canal” Aragorn’s voice echoed, it sounded so distant, softer than it probably was.

“I will help you turn it” Arwen said, immediately understanding what had to be done. Together, the two applied coordinated pressure, resisting the temptation to stop as Carwyn screamed once again.

Lara closed her eyes. Was her miscarriage just as horrible? The images of her own pregnancy loss began to replay in her mind, uninvited. She felt a crushing pressure in her chest as she lost control. In the background, she could hear Haldir’s voice to the young man. “You must stay calm, your wife doesn’t need to see you panic. You must be her strength now, do you hear me?” The marchwarden’s voice was calm and steady, and Lara tried to center herself to it. In the distance, she heard her own name.

“Lara!” The voice got louder. “Lara!” Her eyes snapped open and she saw it was Arwen calling out to her. “Lara, we need your help. This baby needs to be delivered now!”   
Lara was still flattened against the wall, without ability to control her limbs. “Lara! This baby has no time!” Lara’s eyes turned to Haldir. Though they said nothing to each other, she reached out to him through their bond. He provided a safe, soothing place for her. His eyes encouraged her. And finally, she was able to step away from the wall and move towards the head of the bed.

“Carwyn, I am Lara. Your baby needs to be delivered as soon as possible. You need to do exactly as His Majesty and Queen Arwen say, do you understand?”

The woman nodded silently, tears streaming down her face. Lara took Carwyn’s hand and pivoted to sit at the head of the bed, propping the woman up against her. She nodded to Arwen, who now took charge at the foot of the bed.

“She’s fully dilated” Arwen reported, after inspecting the birth canal.

“The head is down” Aragorn said, after checking the position of the baby again.

“Push!” Arwen ordered.

The woman bore down as hard as she could, gripping Lara’s hand. In between pushes, Lara tried her best to offer Carwyn sips of water and more encouragement.   
“The baby’s crowning” Arwen said excitedly. “One more push Carwyn, then you’ll have your baby!”

And Arwen was right, one agonizing push later, the infant slid out into her waiting hands and gave a healthy cry. When Arwen was ready, Haldir quietly encouraged the father to step towards the newborn and cut the cord. Then the infant was quickly swaddled and placed in his mother’s arms. A sudden calm washed over the room. Arwen busied herself with delivering the afterbirth and cleaning up the equipment while Aragorn conversed more with the healer. Lara and Haldir stood silently, watching the new parents caress their newborn. Suddenly, Lara realized she never got the chance to hold her daughter.

A wave of grief hit Lara hard. Wordlessly, she turned and fled the room. She was shaking and she wanted to get back to her room badly. Like a hurricane, she entered her room and let the door slam shut behind her. She headed straight for the crystal container of liquor. The crystal clinked against the glass as she poured the brown liquid into a goblet. With great effort, she brought the cup to her lips and downed the whole glass. She refilled it, and then sank down to the floor while drinking the second glass. The door quietly opened and she soon saw Haldir kneeling in front of her, with worried eyes.

“Meleth, you did a good thing. That baby is alive because of you” he said, taking her hands into his and placing a kiss upon them. Lara said nothing as the tears finally began to fall.

“Meleth, I know it was hard for you. It’s alright, you can cry now.” And Lara did cry, she clung to Haldir as she cried, hysterically. And her husband, now on the floor with her, cradled her as she finally let herself grieve for her daughter.


	13. Chapter 13

Lara awoke the next morning, comfortably in bed covered by blankets. Haldir had taken care to carry her to bed after she finally fell asleep in his arms the previous night. She heard his voice murmuring to another’s at the door of her suite, before closing the door. He entered the bedroom when he heard her stir.

“Meleth, are you awake?” Haldir asked.

“Mmmhmm, who was that?” she wondered.

“The chambermaid, she had a message. Arwen and Aragorn have given us the day free to rest.” Haldir stated. “What will you do?” he asked, as he handed her a cup of coffee.

Lara took the hot mug and sipped the beverage slowly. “I think I’d like to go the market, browse, explore...”

“Shop” Haldir smirked.

“I promised Toby I’d bring him something from the trip. Perhaps you should join me, keep an eye on me so I don’t buy too much?” Lara teased.

The market was a crowded and lively, lined with stalls filled with merchants selling everything from household wares to jewellery. Scents of grilled food intermittently wafted through, from the stalls selling street food. Lara led the way, searching each stall for objects of interest. Her arm was linked casually with Haldir’s, at some point, she unconsciously slid her hand into his. They lightly bantered about which tunic Toby would like. Lara objected to Haldir’s attempts to by their son a toy sword, causing Haldir to (reluctantly) retreat from the idea. Two tunics and a toy later, Lara heard a loud voice through the crowd.

“My Lord! My Lady!” the man’s familiar voice shouted. Lara scanned the crowd and saw a young a man pushing his way towards them. The father of the baby born last night, he was beaming from ear to ear. When he arrived before them, he gave a low bow.

“Lachlan” Haldir greeted. “How fare your wife and child?”

“Well as can be my Lord. Thanks to you. I am out for provisions, we’ve run out of diapers already!” the man replied, he seemed to be happy to do the chore. “King Aragorn and Queen Arwen were by this morning. They said you’d likely be too busy to come see the baby, but passed on your best wishes. I thank you!”

Lara appreciated her friend’s tactful way of removing her obligation to a visit. Certainly due to concern of causing her more distress.

“Well, if you have time, you’re welcome at any time. Carwyn would love to give you her thanks and have you visit the baby!” Lachlan declared eagerly.

Before Haldir could say a word, as he was about to give a noncommittal answer, Lara spoke. “Of course we were planning to visit, how’s this afternoon?” Her husband was tactful enough to hide his surprise. But Lara knew it was the only kind thing to do; she could deny the happy parents. After bidding Lachlan goodbye, Haldir looked at his wife expectantly.

“We will have to find a gift basket here” Lara said, looking around at the stalls. The marchwarden’s eyebrows raised. “Well we can’t visit emptyhanded!” she said in an exasperated tone. With that, she took his hand and led him through the market with a purpose.

As Lara fingered through baby clothes at one of the stalls, she murmured “did they have a boy or girl? I didn’t notice.”

“It was a boy” Haldir said reluctantly. He was worried that visiting the new family would be difficult for her. She had been emotional just the night before, crying for hours before finally succumbing to exhaustion. It had nearly wrenched his heart out, to see his wife in such grief. But he knew she had to go through it in order to heal and he was glad that she had finally let herself experience it.   
She put down the onesie in her hand and looked at him. “I’m alright Haldir. I can go for a visit without falling apart. I know nothing will bring back our baby, but I can be happy for the one we helped save yesterday.”

Haldir placed a soft kiss on her brow. “I like the gray one” he said, pointing to the onesie in the middle of the pile. Lara smiled “gray one it is. Now pay the man”. Haldir chuckled and obliged. They added a few more items to their basket before starting the walk back to the palace. When they walked through the gardens, Lara stopped again to admire the roses. She loved their rich fragrance and vivid colors.

“I never told anyone this, but when I found out I was pregnant, I was disappointed and I wished I wasn’t. Toby had just started school and I was looking forward to having less chores to do and more time to myself. Does that make me a bad mother?” she asked.

“No meleth” Haldir said immediately. There was no doubt in his mind. “Everyone has doubts, but you loved our baby. It’s time you forgive yourself.”

“You had no doubts.” Lara challenged.   
  
_Lara awoke the morning after Haldir returned for leave alone in bed. The marchwarden had found out the previous day that his wife was expecting another elfling. Perhaps he has run away, Lara thought darkly, for she so wished to run away. She threw on a loose tunic and tights and padded out of the bedroom. Her husband was located in the spare room, which was currently sitting empty. He was humming to himself as he knelt on the floor, making measurements of the room dimensions._

_“What are you doing?” she demanded._

_Haldir’s head jerked up in surprise. “Meleth, did I wake you? I was just taking measurements” he said sheepishly._

_“I can see that. What for?” she continued the interrogation._

_“Well this would be the nursery. I thought we’d go order some furniture today, so we’d need the room dimensions. Also, Inaya wanted to know when you’d like to get together to plan the blessing ceremony. I’ll schedule my leave so I can be there…”_

_Lara brought her hand to her forehead in irritation. She did not want to discuss a nursery, or baby furniture, or blessing ceremony. She did not want to see anybody for they were surely going to tell her how lucky she was to have another child on the way when she was feeling exactly the opposite. To say out loud she did not want the baby would be blasphemy. How could she not want another elfling? It would be scandalous. Yet, deep down, she could not deny that that’s exactly how she felt. Another child would be more loneliness, unhappiness._

_“Stop it! I don’t want to deal with it. Not today” she vented her frustration at the one person she held responsible for her current predicament._

_Haldir stood up, absolutely confused. “Are you not feeling well? Should I call the healers?”_

_Lara grunted in frustration and left the room. He followed her out, concerned. “Lara, is something wrong?” She didn’t answer him. She ran out of the flet as fast as she could. Haldir did not follow her, for just as she left, Toby emerged bleary eyed from his bedroom asking for breakfast._

_Lara paced the small clearing in the woods she had ended up, after wandering aimlessly. She balled her hands into fists in frustration. Something must be wrong with her. How could she feel anything but joy. She had the perfect life: a beautiful son, an adoring husband. That’s at least how it appeared. She did love her son and her husband. Yet, she was so unhappy. She told herself to pull it together. She had a son to look after, she had duties to perform – the other wives of the Galadhrim looked to her for strength._

_“I don’t know what I did to upset her” Haldir confessed quietly. Toby was in the living room playing while Inaya and Haldir sipped coffee in the kitchen. Haldir had brought the child to Rumil and Inaya’s for he sorely needed advice._

_“She’s probably overwhelmed. Preparing for a baby is a lot of work Haldir.” Inaya replied sympathetically. “Don’t worry, she’ll find her stride. She’s such a good mother to Toby, I’m sure she’ll thrive with two children.”_

_“I wonder if she…she doesn’t want another child?” he said._

_“Don’t be ridiculous, of course she’s delighted to have another baby!”_

_When Haldir returned to their flet with Toby that afternoon, he found Lara busying herself in the kitchen._

_“Nana!” Toby called out. Lara affectionately embraced the child when he ran up to her. “What’s for dinner?” he asked._

_“Your favorite” she answered._

_“Cake?” Toby asked incredulously._

_Lara giggled. “You wish! We’re having meat pie.” Toby smiled and ran off to play before dinner._

_“Lara, how are you feeling” Haldir asked cautiously._

_“I’m fine” she answered stiffly._

_“I’m sorry if I upset you this morning. There’s no rush with the nursery, we can talk about it some other time.” He offered._

_Lara silently released the fist she’d made when Haldir brought up the nursery. “Yes, another time” she said._

_Haldir came up behind her and lovingly placed his hands on her abdomen. “Lara, our children, you’ve given me the best gift…”_

Haldir shook his head slowly. “I have doubts.”

Lara gave him a disbelieving look. “I doubt I have been as good a husband as you expected or deserved. I think I have caused you much unhappiness.”

“I have not been the wife you deserved. I have been angry with you and I have hurt you. That has hurt our family” Lara admitted. “I don’t want that for us. I don’t want that for Toby. Can you forgive me.”

“There is nothing to forgive, meleth” Haldir answered. He tilted her head up and met her lips. She buried herself in his chest and he wrapped his strong arms around her.

“My lord and lady! Please come in” Lachlan stepped aside to let Lara and Haldir in to their quarters.

Carwyn sat on the sofa cradling the newborn. She was beaming.

“Please, don’t get up Carwyn” Lara insisted, as the woman began to shift. “How are you feeling.”

“I feel well, tired but happy he’s alright”

“We’re so glad” Lara said warmly. She handed over the gift basket, to much gratitude from the hosts (“you shouldn’t have!”).

“Would you like to hold him, Lady Lara?” Carwyn asked, already reaching out her arms to hand the baby to her.

Lara took a deep breath and wordlessly accepted the tiny bundle. The baby was sleeping soundly and didn’t even notice the change in scenery. She brought the infant to her chest and swayed gently. “He’s beautiful” she breathed. Then she looked at her husband, whose eyes were full of emotion. “Haldir?” she asked, drawing his gaze towards the child.

“Marchwarden, go ahead, he’s a calm baby” Carwyn encouraged.

The marchwarden stepped forward and carefully took the child from his wife. Lara gazed at him. The marchwarden was a large and imposing figure, yet he had the gentlest touch with the infant. She smiled, her son was lucky to have a father like him.


	14. Chapter 14

During the trip to Minas Tirith, Lara and Haldir spent a great deal of time together. Haldir was able to watch his wife at work, cataloging the documents to be transported from Gondor to Lorien. He found himself concurring with Eldrin (of all people) that Lara’s talents were many and should be put to use at the archives. He resolved to support his wife working outside the home; he would need delegate some of his travels to subordinates, but was confident that he could manage it.

Lara began to understand that while her husband had not always been physically present, she and Toby were always in his thoughts and in his heart. They were riding outside the city one afternoon, something they did not have much chance to do while at home. Suddenly, her horse startled and she was thrown off, rolling down a steep embankment. When she finally came to a halt, she felt her ankle throbbing intensely. There was a deep cut over the ankle, and it had twisted in an unnatural way. Otherwise, she was lucky that there did not seem to be any other major injuries, save for scrapes and bruises. She attempted to stand but found that she could not put any weight on the injured foot, rendering her immobile.

At the worst possible timing, she heard a low growl ahead of her, slowly growing louder as the creature emitting the noise moved toward her. She tried to push herself backwards, but found that to be too slow. The snout of a warg appeared through the bushes, then the rest of it emerged. Its teeth were barred and it snapped its jaw at her. Lara grasped around her for anything to defend herself. Before she could get hold of even a branch, she felt her someone grab her by the back of the collar and dragged her into a nearby clearing. The hold was harsh and the uneven ground jostled her injury, causing her to cry out in pain. When she was able to turn to see what had handled her so mercilessly, Lara froze with fear at the sight of a small group of orcs.

“Well look what the warg dragged in” a large orc said, placing a finger on her cheek. She turned away in disgust.

“An elf, no less. This must be our lucky day” the large orc smiled. He took hold of Lara’s jaw and forced her face back to face his. “I think we will have a lot of fun with you.”

Lara refused to give them the satisfaction of knowing she was scared: she did not cry and she did not say anything.

“Take off your clothes, so I can get a better look at you” the orc ordered. The others were all looking at her with lust and hunger in their eyes.

“No” Lara spat defiantly.

She was given a hard slap across the face. Then the orc stood over her and ripped off a large portion of her tunic. Lara could not help but whimper. She tried to crawl away, only to have the orc grab her by the injured ankle. She screamed in pain. Then, when Lara was quite prepared to be tortured, Haldir appeared on horseback. He leapt off his horse once he reached the group and began to battle the small group of orcs alone. Lara watched in amazement at his graceful, fluid steps. Fighting was second nature to him, and he was superb at it. Haldir showed the orcs no mercy as he slew them. Finally, there was just the large orc who had had terrorized Lara left. The orc tossed her aside as it brandished its weapon. Haldir’s jaw was set and his lips formed a straight thin line, a sign of his fury.

“You will pay for touching her” Haldir said simply. Then the battle began. Lara did not see most of it as she tried to crawl slowly away, but she heard the clashes of the swords and dull thuds of in person combat. Soon, the orc fell dead, with the marchwarden’s sword in his chest.

Haldir rushed to Lara’s side. After surveying her body for injuries, he took out a roll of bandages from the small pack on his horse and applied pressure to her ankle wound. When Lara whimpered in pain, he held her hand. His eyes shone with fear and regret. He looked around, they were quite a ways from the city. He did see a small homestead, surrounded by farmland within walking distance.

As gently as possible, he picked Lara up and began to walk towards the house. He seemed to handle her weight without much strain, though Lara felt guilty he had to.

“I’m sorry for all the trouble Hal” she croaked.

Haldir smiled faintly. “It is I who is sorry I could not get to you sooner. The ridge you tumbled down was steep so my horse could not go quickly. I only wish I had gotten there before that foul creature laid a hand on you” he answered, grimacing.

“You got there in time” she said faintly, touching the front of his tunic, which was now soiled with orc blood.

An elderly couple lived on the farm, and seeing the elves in need, invited them in immediately. The old woman claimed to have been a healer in her younger days, and supported it by bringing out an impressive medical kit. Feeling Lara was in good hands, Haldir left her in the woman’s care. The marchwarden went with the man of the house to inspect the property fences and scout for other orcs. A small town was nearby and a messenger would be sent to the palace for aid.

“What’s your name my dear? Oh, you have been through quite the tumble today” the woman asked kindly.

“Lara, and yours?”

“Mearah. I haven’t seen one of your kind for many years. But you are beautiful, as are all of your kin” was the reply. The healer looked at Lara once over. After the fracture in her ankle was set and the wound dressed, the woman proceeded to remove what was left of Lara’s tunic. Suddenly self conscious, Lara recoiled.   
“I need to dress your wounds, you have scratches and cuts everywhere and it won’t do for them to get infected. Besides, there’s not much left of your tunic anyway. I’ll give you one of mine once we’re done” she explained. Reluctantly, Lara let her cut the tunic off her. She remained bare as the healer tended to each wound. There were many but luckily they were superficial. With the healer’s skills and her elven light, the wounds would heal completely within days. The woman started on top, cleansing and dressing each wound. After the last one on her lower abdomen was dressed, the healer’s wise eyes looked into Lara’s.

“Your body shows that you’ve recently given birth, yet you do not make milk” the old woman stated, it wasn’t a question.

“The child did not survive. The afterbirth detached prematurely.” Lara said softly. She had to admit, the woman must’ve been an extraordinary healer to be able to tell what happened to her through just inspecting her body. 

“Ah. That elf who carried you here, was he the father?” Mearah asked.

“My husband, yes. He wasn’t there when it happened. He’s a soldier, he was away” Lara said. She didn’t know why she was confiding in an absolute stranger, though it was actually easier for her to confide in a stranger than someone close to her.

“Makes sense. He had such concern for you. It was obvious in his eyes. He cares for you, it’s just harder for men to show it. You will have another baby before you know it.” the healer said. 

“We tried a while ago, but I was told it would not be likely. There was damage to the womb…” Lara said, trailing off. The old woman had left the room, without so much as a word. Lara propped herself up to see where she had gone. The healer returned to the room with her hands full.   
“Not as beautiful as yours, but it will do” the woman said, handing Lara a tunic. It was a size too big but it would cover her, and that’s all Lara cared about.

“Thank you, Mearah” she said, it was completely heartfelt.

The healer nodded in response. “I’ll get dinner started. You will stay for dinner and then we’ll see about finding you a ride back to the city. Can you sit up?”

Lara propped herself up to prove she could. Mearah helped her to the kitchen and settled the elleth on a chair at the dining table. Lara insisted on helping, so Mearah placed a bowl of potatoes in front of her to peel.

Mearah began chopping vegetables, her back to the elleth. After several minutes of silence, she began to talk again.

“My husband, the man that’s gone out to town with yours was a soldier. I spent many nights alone. I reared 3 children almost by myself. He was constantly away. I resented him at times. I wished he were at home more” she said. She’d finished chopping the vegetables, and were now placing them into a large pot.

“You’re still married. You must love each other still” Lara prompted. She had never met another wife who would speak those feelings out loud.

“One day, I came home to find my children had left the barn door open. The horses had escaped and half the farm animals were in the house. I lost it. I thought I could carry on no longer and openly wept in the middle of the living room. I was young. Then, my son came up to me and asked me to help him with his letters for school. I realised my children needed me. And I looked around and saw that I had nothing to complain about. I had 3 healthy children, a home, a husband who loved me and was good to me. It was time I appreciated the good things in my life” Mearah continued. “Oh when Jonah came home for leave I let him have it. Told him he had to help more around the house. But I never thought of quitting or leaving after that.” she grinned as she finished.

“We have a son, Toby. And Haldir, he is trying” Lara volunteered.

“Then you should be grateful you have a healthy son and a good husband. What will come will come. Now help me knead this dough so we’ll have bread with the stew.” Mearah said. Lara smiled silently and reached for the flour.

Haldir and Jonah returned just as the stew had finished cooking. Haldir headed straight for Lara, crouching to face her where she was seated.

“How are you meleth?” the marchwarden asked, lines of worry on his face.

“I’m fine, Hal. Minor injuries. I’ll be better in a day or two.” Lara reassured.

“That orc didn’t…” Haldir trailed off, the thought unimaginably horrific for him.

“Haldir, it’s just the ankle and scratches and bruises.” Lara repeated, looking him in his eyes so he could see the truth in her eyes.

“We were able to send a messenger to Minas Tirith. The Palace will be sending a carriage to get you back to the city. They will arrive by nightfall. No other signs of orcs, looks like you encountered a small pack foraging, My Lady.” Jonah added, smiling.

“Good, dinner’s ready. Go wash up” Mearah ordered.

It was total darkness by the time Lara and Haldir returned to the Palace. Arwen and Aragorn had met them in person, the Queen had fussed over Lara incessantly. She took great effort to reassure Arwen that all she needed was some rest. Arwen then insisted on settling her into bed herself. Haldir and Aragorn went to pore over the maps, to locate precisely where the orcs were encountered so that Gondorian troops can be sent to bolster the area the next day.

“Go Meleth, I’ll be fine. I just need some sleep” Lara said, when Haldir seemed reluctant to leave her.

Arwen fluffed her pillow for what seemed like the tenth time. “Would you like something to drink? Can I do anything for you?” the Queen hovered.

Lara smiled. “I’m fine, I’ll be good as new in a few days Arwen. Could you place this on my dresser?” she asked, handing Arwen a small pouch.

_Jonah and Mearah helped the elleth into the carriage.  
“I cannot thank you enough for all your aid Mearah” Lara said, giving the woman a tight hug. _

_“Think nothing of it” the old woman replied. “Here, take this” she said, producing a small pouch from the pocket of her dress and pressing it into Lara’s hands. Mearah was careful that no one could see the exchange._

_“What is it?” Lara asked._

_“Tea, a special brew. To heal your womb. For when you’re ready. You will be one day. Soon, I think.”_

The room was dark but Lara had not yet fallen asleep when Haldir returned, late in the night. She heard him quietly take off his tunic. He slid into bed next to her. She turned over to face him, burying her face in his chest. The scent calmed her. He traced soft circles on her back.

“Lara, can I get you anything?” he asked softly.

“No, just stay with me” she murmured.

“I’m right here, Meleth. I’ll always be here."


	15. Chapter 15

On one of their last nights in Gondor, the King and Queen threw a feast in honor of their elven guests. Lara chose a sleeveless white gown, which showed off her curves tastefully. She could feel Haldir’s eyes on her when she first walked out of the bedroom with the dress on. She felt a familiar thrill when she noticed her husband’s attention. In turn, she too appreciated Haldir’s good looks in his dress uniform.

“Will you save me a dance, Haldir? I thought we should make dancing at these things a habit” she teased, referencing to their recent dance at the feast in Lorien.   
Haldir’s lips curved into a smile. “Aye, meleth. You can have as many dances as you want.”

The palace’s ballroom was decorated to the hilt. The best silverware had been polished and brought out, nobles and courtiers wore their finest jewels and gowns. For many, this would be their first glimpse of elves. Haldir and Lara could feel the anticipation in the room. The marchwarden, so unused to society gatherings, stiffened ever so slightly that it was almost imperceptible.

“Meleth, let me do the talking” Lara soothed. She knew Haldir would prefer to be sparring over schmoozing with nobility. Luckily, she had spent many nights at balls growing up and was at ease with the decorum. Lara expertly guided them through the crowd, somehow managing to speak a few works to everyone who wanted a moment with the elves. Haldir relaxed by the time they had made it through the crowd.

“I am not at ease in situations like this” the soldier admitted.

“That’s why you have me” Lara answered, standing up on her toes and placing a quick kiss to his cheek. The chemistry between the couple was undeniable. The King and Queen observed this with satisfaction from across the room.

When the promised dance was completed, the elven couple walked onto the balcony adjoining the ballroom for some fresh air. They found themselves alone in the space as desert was being served inside. The cool night air was a welcome change and Lara leaned into her husband’s body.

“I wish we could stay like this forever” she said.

“Mmmhmm, but we would not be good parents to leave Toby with Orophin forever” Haldir teased.

“You know what I mean!” Lara said, giggling. Haldir placed a kiss in her hair and inhaled her scent deeply. Things hadn’t been this good between them in months, he wished it wouldn’t end either.

“I always carry you and Toby in my heart, even when I am away from you” Haldir emphasized.

“I know, I didn’t before but I do now” Lara said. “When we get back to Lorien, I want us to stay like this. I’m going to try Hal” she vowed.

“Do you care for another dance?” the warden asked.

Lara broke into a wide smile and took her husband’s offered hand.

All too soon, Lara and Haldir’s time in Minas Tirith was over. The documents Gondor was sending to Lorien’s archives for translation and preservation were packed and loaded for transport. Their horses were saddled and their bags were packed. The King and Queen had come to see them off personally.   
Arwen hugged Lara tightly.

“You are always welcome here my friend” Arwen said sincerely. She then presented Lara with a gift, a small box containing a pouch of seeds. “For the roses in my garden you so admire. Perhaps you will plant them in Lorien and they will give you the joy and peace you found in my gardens.” Lara thought it a thoughtful gift and thanked Arwen with a kiss on both cheeks.   
The journey back to Lorien was uneventful. Lara’s anticipation increased as they neared the Golden Woods. She had missed her son greatly. A small party was waiting for their arrival in Lorien. Sentries stood at attention to carry the documents from garden to the archives. Haldir saw to this task while Lara knelt to receive Toby, who sprinted towards her. Lara held her arms out wide and caught the elfling in a tight embrace.

“Nanaaaa!”

“Hello my sweet. I have missed you so.” She breathed. When she let him go, she pressed kisses on his cheeks until they were red. By then, Haldir had finished directing the sentries on the documents and Lara sent their son to him. “Ada wants a hug from you too.”

Next to step forward was Orophin. He nodded to Lara curtly. His last words not forgotten by neither one of them.

“Thank you for taking care of him” Lara said politely.

“Of course, I’d do anything for my nephew” Orophin answered crisply. “How was your trip?”

“It was…eventful” Lara answered, looking at Haldir, who was had now picked up their son and placed the child on his shoulders, much to the elfling’s delight. Lara smiled at the sight, this was noted by Orophin with great interest.

“Lara, I’m glad the trip went without a hitch” Eldrin stepped forward. He then dropped his voice and quietly added (to one in particular) “it’s a miracle the marchwarden could handle the pressures of the Gondorian court.”

Lara’s face dropped. “What is that supposed to mean?” she challenged, glaring at her old friend.

“Lara, I only meant that Captain Haldir is hardly made for the royal court. His talents lay in less intellectual tasks” Eldrin smirked.

Lara wasted no time in slapping the ambassador. She had no idea what came over her, except a wave of fury that anyone would dare diminish her husband. “Don’t you ever speak ill of my husband in front of me. He is the most brave and kind elf I know and I am privileged to be married to him!”

Eldrin was quite surprised by the outburst, for he unconsciously took a step backwards. “No offence intended, Lara. I apologize.”

Lara was not satisfied. “It is not me you have to apologize to” she said, directing her gaze at Haldir. The ambassador took a measured breath before stepping towards the marchwarden with a conciliatory gesture.

“Well sister, I daresay your trip was eventful indeed” Orophin said, taking her hand and placing a kiss upon it as a gesture of respect.

The family soon settled into a new routine. Lara was off to work at the archives daily, Toby to preschool, Haldir to his marchwarden’s duties. The threesome took on a new project, planting a garden near their flet, using some of seeds Arwen had gifted. Toby enjoyed the planting process tremendously, he enthusiastically dug holes in the dirt for the seeds. Lara and Haldir laughed as usually more dirt ended up on the child than anywhere else.

“Inaya’s blessing ceremony is next week. I told her that Toby and I will be there.” Haldir ventured carefully. They had been so happy since the trip to Gondor, he did not want to ruin it.

Lara looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. “I will come too.”

“Inaya and Rumil will understand if you’re not ready to go” Haldir offered.

“They’re family, we should be there for them” she replied. Seeing her husband’s worried features, she added “I’ll be fine Hal.” He simply nodded and said no more.

The blessing ceremony was an occasion for expectant parents to have a gathering to celebrate their soon to arrive elfling. Guests bring gifts and good wishes. Lara had ordered an exquisite baby blanket and matching sheet set for the occasion. There was a card with good wishes to accompany it. She was prepared that it might be a difficult event for her to attend, but she was determined to get through it.

They arrived after most of the guests. An elfling’s arrival was celebrated by all in the woods and the gathering was large. Many elves had come to give the couple their congratulations. Inaya was radiant as she stood beside Rumil, receiving guests. She cradled her already large bump lovingly.

“Haldir, Lara!” Inaya exclaimed.

“Sister, Brother” Haldir greeted warmly. “Congratulations, we are most happy for you. Your elflings are sure to be beloved in our family” he said, as he kissed Inaya on the cheeks, and affectionately grasped his brother’s shoulder.

“Lara, I’m so happy you came” Inaya said, beaming.

Lara forced a smile on her face, she was there for her in laws today. “The joy is all mine, to be able to celebrate your blessing.”

Many elves came up to Lara to offer their condolences. Despite the occasion, it was the first time many had seen Lara since her miscarriage. “I’m so sorry dear”, “Don’t worry, you will be with child again in no time.” Lara bore it with a smile on her face. They cared for her, she told herself, even though she didn’t want anyone’s sympathy. Haldir was attentive to her, staying by her side, deflecting an intrusive questions.

When Inaya took her place of honor to open the gifts, Lara dutifully oohed and ahhed over every piece of baby’s clothing, toy that was unwrapped. Finally, the couple gave a speech.

“Thank you everyone for coming. Our daughters are so blessed to have so many who care for them before they have even arrived. That’s right. Orophin and I are expecting girls!” Inaya squealed. The crowd erupted in cheers. Haldir turned to make sure his wife was alright, but could not find Lara. Worriedly, he searched the entire party and finally stepped outside to find her.

He found Lara sitting quietly on a bench. She seemed to sense his presence. “Am I needed Haldir?” she asked, concerned that she her absence had been noticed. 

“I wanted to make sure you were alright, Meleth.”

Lara smiled wearily. “I’m fine, Hal. I don’t want to take any attention away from Inaya and Rumil. I just needed a moment alone.”

“They’re having daughters” Haldir said bluntly, not knowing how to approach the topic more delicately.

“Mmmhmm, and I am happy for them” Lara choked out, “I really am” she added, now unable to hold back her tears. She reached for Haldir and he was ready to cradle her in his embrace. He was grateful that she was sharing her grief with him. When Lara was finally able to get her emotions under control, she dried her tears. “We should get back, before they notice…” she said.

As she made to return to the gathering, he stopped her. Gently, he cupped her face with his hands and brought his lips to hers. Pleading silently with her to know that no matter what happened, he loved her, with all his being.

“I love you too, meleth” she said.

_“Do you wish to know what you’re having?” The healer’s attendant asked eagerly. Lara propped herself up from the examining table in the healing telan. She had just finished her monthly appointment. She was 6 months along, tired, swollen, and irritated. The attendant’s excitement for her was not computing.  
Unconsciously rubbing her belly, “do you know already?” she asked absentmindedly. _

_“Of course! Does the marchwarden wish for another son to shoot with or a daughter to treasure?” the attendant prompted._

_Wincing at a strong kick from her unborn elfling, she replied “I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it.”_

_“Well, what do you wish for my Lady?”_

_“A daughter” she whispered. A daughter whose hair she could braid, a daughter to share her passion for reading with, to teach languages to…_


	16. Chapter 16

“Inaya, they are so precious” Lara said, gazing adoringly at the twin elflings, one of whom was fast asleep in the bassinet. The twin girls had arrived the week prior; Inaya and Rumil were still basking in the joy of new parenthood. Lara and Haldir had dropped off some food for the couple, knowing that they would likely have their hands full. Toberion marvelled at the elflings for a few moments and even got to hold one of the infants. Eventually he lost interest and found distraction in his toys. Lara looked wistfully at her husband, who was currently holding the other baby in his arms. She had begun to fuss a few moments earlier, and to Lara’s surprise, Haldir quickly and expertly picked the infant up to soothe her. Lara’s eyes met his gaze, their connection was strong and loving.

Lara, Haldir, and Toby quickly bade the new family farewell, knowing the parents would want as much time to rest as possible. Also, they had promised to take Toby on a special trip.

“Nanaaaaa, I’m fine!” the child insisted, irritated by his mother checking his position on the saddle yet again. Lara was nervous about Toby riding a horse. He hadn’t ever ridden before. Today, he would not be riding alone of course – he’d be riding with his father. Even though Lara knew Haldir was an expert rider, the prospect of her baby on a horse made her anxious. This is what led to the current fussing that her son was displeased with.

“Lara, he’ll be riding with me. I would not let harm come to him” Haldir reassured, with a kind smile. Lara bit her lip and then nodded. She gave her husband her best _if-anything-happens-to-my-child-I-swear-to-valar_ look. Haldir chuckled at the silent message. Then Lara mounted her own steed and they set off towards the human village.

As usual, Luke was waiting to stable their horses when they arrived. The man’s eyes lit up when he saw Toby.

“Hoho! You will find many friends amongst my sons!” Luke said cheerfully to the elfling. Toby suddenly became shy and hid behind his mother’s legs, only slightly peaking from it.

“I’m sure he will warm up to them quickly. Then you’ll wish he was as well behaved as he is now” Lara said warmly, to which her husband chuckled in agreement.

Mary stood waiting for the guests at the front of the door, while looking over her 3 sons playing in the yard. Whenever the children became too rowdy, she’d arch her brow. Her sons knew better than to catch their mother’s ire.

“Ah, there you are. These 3 are about to kill each other” Mary said gesturing at her sons, in her characteristic no-nonsense way. The baby was fast asleep in her arms.

Lara and Haldir both greeted the mistress of the house with a kiss on the cheeks.   
“And who is this?” Mary asked, kneeling to Toby’s eye level.

“This is our son Toby” Lara said proudly.

Mary eyed the child with a serious face momentarily, then broke out in a smile. From her pocket, she retrieved a sweet. The ice was broken instantaneously as Toby munched on the candy and joined the boys in a game of tag.

“Lunch will be ready soon. Luke, you and marchwarden can inspect the fences. Be back in an hour” Mary ordered. The males knew better than to argue.

With the older children outside playing, the baby sleeping, lunch cooking on the stove, the two women sat at the kitchen table.

“You and Haldir seem, happier. More settled” Mary observed.

“Yes, we are. We are really happy with where we are” Lara said, realizing that she hadn’t felt the feeling of yearning or regret for what she couldn’t have for months. Mary reached out and held her hand.   
“I’m glad. Would you try for another child?” Mary asked carefully.

Lara sighed, “honestly, I don’t know what the point is. Our life is wonderful. We’re happy. I’m blessed with Toby and Haldir. My job is so fulfilling.”

“It is something you both wanted, no?” Mary pressed.

“I don’t know that I want to go back there. It was too painful, losing a child after carrying her 8 months. I’ve closed that chapter of my life…” Lara trailed off.

They were interrupted when the baby started to stir. Soon, the boys bustled noisily in to the house and lunch was nearing completion. The meal was a boisterous affair. It was clear Toby had been accepted into the pack. The two couples chatted happily into the early afternoon. When they parted, they knew it would not be long before seeing each other again.

“Perhaps next time, you may want to come visit us in Caras Galadhon?” Lara suggested, with the smiling approval of her husband. The offer was heartily accepted.

On their way back to Lorien, Lara again felt the beautiful clear skies inviting them to walk. Toby, however, insisted he wished to ride the horse. Haldir then hoisted the elfling onto horseback alone. After carefully showing him how to keep his balance on the saddle, the marchwarden carefully guided the horse to start walking.

“Look Nana! I’m riding it by myself!” the elfling declared triumphantly. Lara suppressed the thoughts of his possibly falling off swirling in her mind and smiled. “I see it sweetling, you’re doing a good job!”

Lara held Haldir’s free hand and gave him a peck on the cheek. “He’s doing great Meleth” Haldir reassured.

“I know” Lara said. And the three of them slowly walked back towards the woods. It was a perfectly happy ending to a perfectly happy day.

Several weeks later, Lara knew something was up. She knew it by the way her husband had avoided eye contact since stepping foot in the telan that afternoon, the way he picked at his food, the way he hesitated and did not clear the table after the meal had finished and Toby had run outside to play with his friends. She felt uncertainty, worry in their bond.

They were now sitting at the dinner table, alone and silent. Haldir cleared his throat.

“Meleth, I must go to the borders for 2 weeks” he said finally. So that’s what he had been agonizing over all afternoon. He was worried about how his wife would take the news. He hadn’t been away since the miscarriage – a feat in itself, given the nature of his duties. Yet somehow, Haldir had managed it until now.

“When do you leave?” Lara asked.

“In 2 days. Meleth, it is unavoidable. I must go and inspect our defences. There is no one else-“

Haldir trailed off as his wife grabbed hold of both his hands. She brought them up to her lips.

“I know you would not go unless you had to, meleth. Toby and I will be fine. We will miss you but we’ll be fine and we will be here waiting for you when you return” Lara said softly.

Her words warmed Haldir’s heart and he reached over the table to kiss her. She returned his kiss with equal fervor. His hands reached around her waist and he lifted her off the ground. Her legs wrapped tightly around his waist. They were still kissing. He carried her on his waist into the bedroom. Thank the valars their son was outside playing. The marchwarden laid his wife gently onto the bed. She tugged at his tunic and he slid it off effortlessly. And the love they made would last them until he returned from the fences.

The marchwarden’s wife was true to her word. She and Toby fell into an effortless routine. Breakfast, drop off at school, work, dinner, play, bed. Each night, they began a tradition of crossing off another day until Ada came home. Things at the archives were progressing well, the documents retrieved from Gondor were more insightful then Lara had imagined. Translating and cataloging them were the highlight of her career. The routine was effortless until the weekend before Haldir was due to return. Lara was alone in the flet folding laundry when a wave of nausea hit her. She dropped the laundry and ran straight into the bathroom. After emptying the contents of her stomach, she sat on the floor of the bathroom breathing deeply, trying to will the nausea away. She was pregnant. She didn’t need a healer. She knew it. It had felt the same the two times before. Lara felt the panic coursing through her veins, she harshly put it aside as she heard Toby bouncing through the front door.

That night, she lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. Not able to stand her thoughts, she got up and opened the top drawer of the dresser. It was where she had left it, the pouch Mearah had given her. The herbs were still inside. Lara had never used it. She had meant what she said to Mary, she had left the thought of having another child behind her. Her family had finally rebuilt their life and they were happy. She guarded that happiness fiercely.

_“I cannot thank you enough for all your aid Mearah” Lara said, giving the woman a tight hug._

_“Think nothing of it” the old woman replied. “Here, take this” she said, producing a small pouch from the pocket of her dress and pressing it into Lara’s hands. Mearah was careful that no one could see the exchange._

_“What is it?” Lara asked._

_“Tea, a special brew. To heal your womb. For when you’re ready. You will be one day. Soon, I think.”_

_“And if I don’t want another child?” Lara whispered. It was her turn to look around to ensure they were not overheard. It felt treasonous, what she was saying._

_“Then there are herbs for that too. Even when you’re already with child. You only need to visit a good healer. You have choices. But you have to decide what you want in life Lara. It’s best that you and Haldir decide together. But sometimes…”Mearah hesitated. “Sometimes you have to do what’s right for you.”_

Lara laid back into bed. Her fingers traced her flat abdomen. It was early she knew, she had bled just the month before. If Mearah had been right, perhaps no one would ever have to know. Perhaps. There was time to put her plan into motion if she chose to. She would need courage to do it. There was no going back if she committed to the course. No one could find out. Especially not her husband, for it would surely break their bond.


	17. Chapter 17

“Hurry up comrades! The marchwarden wishes to see his wife tonight” Orophin teased, with a smirk on his face. At Haldir’s glare, his brother couldn’t help but add “and Captain Haldir plans to be busy!”

Haldir had to laugh alongside his men. They were teasing him good naturedly. His soldiers had been nothing but supportive of their leader since Lara’s miscarriage. They had distributed his shifts so Haldir could stay home with her. They showed their loyalty to him.

Haldir was glad to be heading home from his turn at the fences. He had missed his wife and son and felt incomplete without them. His heart lifted when the city gates came into view. After swiftly dismounting, he waited impatiently for his fellow soldiers to receive their garlands. Finally, it was his turn. He saw Lara in a light blue dress, Toby jumping up and down excitedly beside her. His wife seemed paler than usual, with a slight shadow beneath her eyes. It must be that she was taking on all the chores in his absence, Haldir thought, as he knelt in front of her.

“Welcome home, meleth” Lara murmured, as the garland came to rest on his brow.

Before he could answer, the elfling launched himself into his father’s arms. Haldir laughed as he fell slightly backwards. “I have missed you too, Toberion.”

“Ada! We’ve been counting the days since you came back.” The child said, gesturing at the piece of paper in his hand, the calendar he and his mother had used to keep track of the days. Lara smiled softly as the family walked towards their flet. This was the peace and happiness she was desperately trying to preserve. Yet, she was drowning in guilt for keeping her pregnancy a secret from her husband. How could something she was convinced was right feel so wrong? Deep in her heart, she knew it was wrong.

That night, after Haldir had washed and changed, he entered the bedroom where Lara was brushing her hair at the vanity. He was shirtless, wearing only his trousers. Walking up behind her, he lightly traced his finger down her face. She smiled a little, and he leaned in to place several small kisses on her neck. Then, he moved his hands down her back and then towards the front of her lower abdomen. Lara suddenly jumped and stood up, fearing he would discover the child in her womb.

“Meleth, is something wrong?” Haldir asked, furrowing his brows.

“No!” she said quickly. When Haldir leaned in to kiss her, she placed her hand on his chest and gently pushed him away. “Hal, I’m tired. Taking care of Toby alone for the last two weeks, it’s been tiring. So, not tonight.”

The marchwarden swallowed hard. “Of course, meleth. How about tomorrow, I take Toby fishing and you can rest?” he suggested.

“Yes, it would be nice to have the day off” Lara agreed. She did need the day alone to accomplish her plans. Lara kept tightly to her side of the bed that night, her sudden distance puzzling to her husband.

The next morning, Lara hugged her son tightly. “Have a good time fishing with Ada, my love” she said brightly, placing a kiss on his nose. She gave Haldir a quick hug and peck on the cheeks before seeing them off. After a decent amount of time had passed, she changed into her riding clothes and set off to the stables. She asked for a horse to be readied. She was uncharacteristically brash with the stablehand when he asked her where she intended to go. Reluctantly, she told him she intended to leave Lorien for a ride but offered nothing more. His suggestion of an accompanying guard was roundly rejected.

Haldir watched his son cast another fly into the river. The elfling was thoroughly enjoying the experience and was completely distracted. Good thing, as it gave him the time to ponder his wife’s demeanor ever since his return from the fences. Things had been so good between them for months now. Then, there was a change in her. She was distant, putting a wall between them again. Was she resentful for having to care for Toby while he was away? He had offered to give her some time off this day, but would it be enough? Or was it something more?

Lara found the healer in the village easily. Careful to pull the hood up her cloak to avoid being recognized, she entered. She was ushered into the examining room and fidgeted uncomfortably while waiting for the healer to enter. It was an older woman who moved with an air of no nonsense.

“What can I do for you, my lady?” the healer asked, peering over her spectacles. She inspected Lara carefully, only slightly amused that an elf sat in front of her.

Lara thought it best to get straight to the point. “I’m pregnant” she said bluntly.

“I would think the healers in Lorien have something for morning sickness” the healer ventured, probing for more information.

“I’m pregnant and…I don’t wish to be” Lara admitted, meeting the healer’s gaze defiantly. She was not ashamed for wanting to control what happened to her body.

“I see. I will need to examine you, lie down” the healer instructed. After a careful exam, the healer continued their conversation. “You’re little more than 6 weeks along. Very early.”

“Yes, that’s about right” Lara confirmed.

“Brew this into a tea. As soon as possible. It’ll go much easier for you. Plan to stay at home for a few days. You’ll bleed. It might be heavy. You’ll cramp and you can take some herbs for the pain if needed. When the bleeding stops, the pregnancy is gone.” She spoke in clipped phrases, completely professional. She handed Lara a pouch of herbs.

Before taking the medication, “you have done this before?” the elleth asked.

The healer took a deep breath. “You are certainly not the first and you will definitely not be the last to want to end a pregnancy, my lady. The medications will work.”

“You’re not going to ask me why?”

“It’s none of my business what you want to do with your body. It’s your decision. Though if you don’t mind, I’d like to know if your husband knows of your plans” the healer asked.

Lara looked down. “No, he doesn’t. I – I don’t want to tell him. It’s for the best. I’m trying to keep our marriage and our family together. The risks of having another child would be too great, it would jeopardize everything.”

The healer gave Lara a hard look. “Most of the women who come to me for this reason, the fathers don’t care. Or they’ve demanded the pregnancy be ended. Your husband is a good elf. From what I’ve heard, the marchwarden cares very much for you. He would want to know. It will be better to tell him. Keeping secrets like this can destroy a marriage.”

“Thank you” Lara whispered. She was surprised to learn the healer knew exactly who she was. What the healer had said was not a surprise to Lara at all, she had always known it. Taking the herbs and carefully tucking it away, she left without a further word.

“Brother!” Orophin called before heading over to Haldir and Toby. The child was happily licking his ice cream. They had stopped for a treat after fishing. Haldir walked with his brother out of the elfling’s earshot when Orophin gestured for a word alone.

“Lara rode alone to the human settlement today. She was spotted by the border guards. The stable boy said she adamantly refused an escort. There are orcs still out there Hal. It’s none of my business why she was out there, but she ought to be more careful. I can’t imagine you would’ve condoned this” Orophin said.

Haldir pressed his lips into a line. Orophin knew it was a sign of displeasure. The older brother shook his head silently. “Did she return safely?”

“Yes. She should be crossing into Lorien’s borders right about now” Orophin answered.

“Will you take Toby home with you? I’ll pick him up tomorrow. I need to speak to Lara alone.”

Orophin placed a hand on his older brother’s shoulder. “Whatever you need. You know I’m here to support you. Both of you.”

Haldir made his way home alone. He knew Lara would join him shortly. He sat at the kitchen table and took a deep breath. The signs were all there, he was angry at himself for not seeing it coming. His wife had been clear he didn’t satisfy her, but he had naively thought things between them were improving.

Lara was surprised to find the flet quiet upon her return. “Where’s Toby?” she asked.

“I asked Phin to take him tonight” the marchwarden said. “How was your day?”

“Fine, I rested” Lara lied.   
“Lara, when we married, we vowed honestly. Please be honest with me. At least tell me who he is.” Haldir said. He was defeated.

“What are you talking about?” Lara pressed.

“Your lover. You could at least tell me who the ellon is, to spare me the humiliation” Haldir clarified.

Lara did a double take. “You think I’m having an affair?” she demanded.

“I know you were not resting today. You left Lorien, refused an escort, wouldn’t tell them where you were going” the marchwarden said testily.

“It was none of their business” Lara said defensively.

“Is it none of my business also?” Haldir challenged. “I would like the truth, Lara.”

“I am only trying to keep our marriage together. Our family together!”

“No more secrets, Lara” Haldir pleaded. “Your secrets are poisoning our family. Just tell me what’s wrong.”

“I went to the healer in the village, I’m pregnant!” Lara blurted out.

Haldir’s eyes widened. “Meleth, I – “

“I can’t have this baby. I just can’t. I got herbs from the healer in the village to end the pregnancy.” It felt good to confess.

“What – Lara. I don’t understand. We both wanted another baby” Haldir tried to reason.

“That was months ago. We’ve been happy. That chapter of our life is closed, Hal. I can’t put our marriage through another miscarriage. I can’t put Toby through it. I would not survive it” Lara blubbered, now crying hard.

“Meleth, you do not know what the future holds” Haldir said gently.

“I won’t risk it!” Lara shouted hysterically.

Haldir tried to hold her, calm her down. “No! Haldir, I can’t go through it again! I won’t!”

“I will be there with you. I will step down from the Galadhrim. I will do whatever it takes. You will not go through it alone. Please do not cry, I cannot…” the marchwarden said. He meant it. He wanted the child desperately. He loved it already. Lara loved it too, he knew.

_On their wedding day, Lara was ravishing. Haldir was handsome, in his dress uniform but his bride was breathtaking. She wore a delicate, lace gown. His mother’s veil, a nod to her in laws, was held in place by Lara’s own family heirloom diamond tiara. It signalled her noble blood. His breath caught, he could not believe this extraordinary elleth would marry a simple soldier like him._

_When Lara finally walked down the aisle and met him at the alter, she looked at him shyly._

_“You’re beautiful” Haldir said._

_“Beautiful for you” she replied._

_They held each other’s hands and repeated their vows. “I bind myself to you for all eternity. May our souls be bound, our thoughts shared, and our hearts entwined. May we be blessed with children and our lives be full…”_

_That night, as the reception carried on late into the night, the newlyweds stole away. Haldir insisted on carrying his bride into their flet. She toyed with his hair playfully as he walked into the bedroom. She got up onto her knees after he set her on the bed. Tugging at his tunic to close the distance between them, they finally lapsed into a deep and passionate kiss. As would be the case for the rest of their marriage, Haldir paused at undressing her. He would always seek her permission. She gave it readily and before long, they were both naked._

_“You are the love of my life” Haldir murmured, in between soft kisses working his way down her body. “I’ll always protect you.”_

_He went on to express his love physically. When he entered her for the first time, Lara knew she had experience pure ecstasy…_


	18. Chapter 18

“Soldiering is who you are. You can’t quit” Lara whispered, the reality of what Haldir had just said hitting her. Unconsciously, she slid her hand on his chest.

Haldir shook his head hard. “The only thing that matters is our family Lara. I have put my duties first for too long.” He took her hand and cupped it with his own, holding both over his heart. He looked at their intertwined fingers for a long time. “Please let me do this Lara. Let me keep our family together.”

It was Lara’s turn to shake her head. “I can’t let you give up everything you have worked so hard for. This is your calling.”

“I won’t lose our child over it” Haldir insisted.

Lara sighed. “Hal, of course I wanted another elfling. But I’m scared. We’ve come such a long way and I don’t want to see us go back. We’ve been so happy…” she choked up and could not continue. Her husband could do nothing but pull her into his embrace. Lara continued to sniffle, when finally she was able to speak, she pulled her face off Haldir’s chest. “I love this baby too.”

The marchwarden smiled slightly. Uncertainly, his hand approached his wife’s womb. Lara made no attempt to stop him this time and he slowly placed his hand over her abdomen. He took a sharp breath in as he felt his child for the first time. He looked up at her in wonder.

Lara felt a weight lifted off her. She had always loved her baby, but the fear of losing another child had pushed her to consider difficult choices. In her heart, she had known it was wrong to keep the pregnancy from Haldir but she had been overruled by her desperation. It felt good to talk about her fears with her husband. He had helped her be hopeful. Suddenly, keeping the baby didn’t seem an impossibility.

They decided to keep the news to themselves for the moment; Lara felt she needed some more time to adjust to the news. Haldir did insist on seeing the elven healers to ensure she was healthy. Thus several days later, the couple found themselves back in the healers flet. Lara pushed the memory of their last visit out of her mind. She wanted to focus on the present, the child she currently carried.

“Marchwarden, my lady, how may I help you?” the healer asked, closing the door to the exam room.

Lara looked at her husband, finding him beaming. “I’m pregnant” she answered.

The healer did not betray any emotion. “My lady, if I may examine you?”

Lara obliged by lying down, she was tense until she felt Haldir’s hand on her shoulder. The healer cleansed his hands with clinical efficiency and proceeded to examine her. It was uncomfortable and at one point, she took a sharp breath in and winced. Automatically reaching for her husband’s hand, she felt a reassuring squeeze.

“Lady Lara, the valars have indeed blessed you. It’s quite early on. But everything seems well. How do you feel?” the healer asked, smiling for the first time.

“A bit nauseated and tired. That’s not unusual, it happened with the previous two” Lara answered. She felt blessed to be able to experience even the unpleasant effects of expecting a child again.

“As you know, we have tea that should help” the healer answered.

“Yes, I’ll take some” Lara answered.

The healer hesitated, seemed to steel himself before continuing. “Marchwarden, my lady, I am very happy for you. I hope this will be a healthy pregnancy and I will do everything in my power to ensure it is. But you ought to know that the miscarriage weakened your womb. The delivery might be difficult for you.”

Lara glanced at Haldir. He was frowning, suddenly unsure whether he should ask his wife to take such a risk. It was her turn to squeeze his hand. “We’ll deal with whatever comes, together.” They left the healer hand in hand, the team they were always meant to be.

The couple were the closest they had ever been in the following months. It was clear Haldir was trying to be as attentive as he could. This did make things easier for Lara. His presence was comforting, his manner was loving, even when she was in no state to reciprocate. She was touched when, one morning as she found herself on her knees in the bathroom sick with nausea, she felt his gentle hands tuck an errant strand of hair out of the way.

“Thanks” she croaked, before emptying the contents of her stomach. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

Haldir’s brows furrowed. “I’ve seen much worse, meleth. I took a vow, to be there for both the good and bad.” Lara never tired of Haldir’s honesty and kindness, qualities that were usually well hidden behind his soldier’s mask. “Besides, I am most responsible for your predicament” he added with a mischievous smile. Lara giggled and elbowed him in response.

When she emerged from the bathroom, he had a cup of tea waiting for her. “This is the brew for morning sickness, isn’t it?” he asked.

“Yes, thank you” Lara answered, taking the cup gratefully.

“Will it ebb soon?” Haldir asked.

Lara shrugged her shoulders. “It’s different with every pregnancy. For Toby, it lasted only a few months. With our daughter, it was the whole time.” She said the second part quietly, uncertain of whether her husband wanted to broach the topic.

“I want us to be able to talk about her, keep her memory alive” Haldir replied equally quietly, seeming to read her mind.

“I would like that” Lara said gratefully. She absentmindedly traced her fingers over the buldge in her abdomen. She was beginning to show, they would have to share the news with family and acquaintances soon. “We should tell your brothers and Inaya this weekend” Lara said. She knew Haldir had had a hard time keeping the news from his brothers. He had never kept much from them, and he was bursting to share his joy. Lara had been much more hesitant. While she did not want to keep her joy private, she did want to keep her sorrow from others – if something unanticipated should happen with the pregnancy. Yet, it would not be possible for them to hold back the news of the elfling for much longer. Lara knew it would be obvious soon anyway.

They made the announcement at Sunday dinner, in a typically low key way. The table was busy with chatter. Orophin and Rumil were discussing border patrols, Toberion was shovelling food into his mouth and Inaya was busy trying to coax some puree into the twin elflings. Haldir took Lara’s hand and cleared his throat loudly. The table went quiet, its occupants surprised by Haldir’s demand for attention.

“Lara and I have news” he cast his wife a quick glance before breaking out into a wide smile. “Lara’s expecting, the elfling is due in the spring.”

All of a sudden, the table seemed to erupt in excitement. Inaya dropped the spoon she was holding, causing pureed carrots to splash on the table. The elleth squealed and pulled Lara into a tight hug (“I’m so happy for you!”), followed by her brothers in law. Orophin and Rumil both kissed Lara on the cheek and embraced their brother warmly.

Toberion was not impressed by the news of another elfling joining the family. It had not gone unnoticed by his parents, but they did not want to put him on the spot at the dinner. They exchanged knowing looks when the child’s brows knotted and he remained uncharacteristically quiet when he heard the news. Lara and Haldir had discussed the possibility that Toby might not be thrilled with a sibling. Haldir had confessed, to his wife’s amusement, that he had thrown a tantrum when he found out Orophin would be joining the family. The parents decided to give Toby a few days to digest the news.

Lara and Haldir approached their firstborn one evening as they were tucking him into bed.

“Toby, Ada and I wanted to know how you’re feeling about having a baby join the family in a few months” Lara asked gently. The child fidgeted with his sheets and shrugged his shoulders.

“You know, I was rather unhappy when my parents told me uncle Orophin was on his way. But when he arrived, I gained a new playmate and I rather liked it” Haldir offered, hoping to prompt his son.

“I was happy before, but then the baby didn’t come. And you were angry with Ada for a long time” Toby observed.

Her son’s insightful words tore at Lara’s heart. Though she and Haldir had made every effort to keep Toby out of the fray, it was clear the child had picked up on much more than they knew.

“It was a sad time when the baby…didn’t come home. Ada and I went through a very hard time. But, we cannot let sad things in the past stop us from having happiness. You were very excited before about having a sibling” Lara tried her best to speak on her son’s level, she realized she should have taken her own advice much sooner.

“You can show the new baby all the things you like to do. You’ll always have someone to play with” Haldir suggested, smiling encouragingly.

Toby raised an eyebrow appraisingly; Lara suppressed a smile at how much the elfling resembled a very stern marchwarden. Toby considered the scenario carefully. “If I’m going to be a big brother, can I have a real bow?”

Lara laughed. “You drive a hard bargain, my little ellon!” She proceeded to tickle the elfling until he was in a fit of giggles.

“He seemed to take it well” Haldir said, as they closed the door to Toby’s room. The elfling had finally settled into bed. His parents had finally settled on getting him a real bow only to be used under direct supervision by his father or uncles or valar help all of them. Lara nodded.

“What I said to him, about not letting the sadness of the past color the happiness of our future, I should practice what I preach. We should celebrate being blessed with this baby.” Lara said. Haldir enveloped his arms around her, making her feel warm and safe. “Let’s go pick out nursery furniture tomorrow” he suggested.

“Yes, I’d like that. You’d better get ready, you might be a lot poorer after we’re done” she smirked.

The valars had indeed been kind to Lara. The morning sickness waned before the first half of her pregnancy was over. Her energy was good and she would be able to keep working right up until the delivery. She knew Haldir worried for her health and wanted her home to rest, but she was determined not to delay any of the projects at the archives on her account. She had already planned to take a short leave after delivery, but insisted she would return to work as soon as she was recovered. Haldir supported her, knowing how important her work was.

Surprisingly, Elyna had been the one to suggest Lara take the last several weeks before her due date to rest and start her leave a little early (“as much as the archives are important, your baby is more important. Go home and prepare for your child.”) Lara took the time to finish decorating the nursery, shopping for clothes, stocking up on diapers. When all the necessary tasks were done, she found her mind wandering.

“Hal, I’d like to go visit with Mary” Lara said one afternoon, shortly before her due date. Haldir was rubbing her aching feet as she lay on the sofa. Her swollen belly was protruding obstructively between them. The marchwarden’s eyebrows raised.   
“Meleth, you’re in no condition to ride” he said gently.

“Then I’ll walk, I’ve done that walk before” she insisted stubbornly.

“You were not 8 and a half months pregnant” Haldir said pointedly.

“I need to see her. I’m worried about the delivery and…she’s had 4 children, she always manages to put me at ease” Lara confessed.

Haldir sighed. “I suppose I should tell you now, though it was supposed to be a surprise. Mary and Luke will be at the blessing ceremony this weekend” he smiled.

Lara’s head jerked up in surprise. Given her hormonal state, tears sprung to her eyes. “You arranged it?”

Haldir looked uncomfortable with the praise. “Aye, I know you have missed her company and counsel.”

Lara was moved beyond words. Her husband, once again, had gone out of his way to secure her happiness. Haldir was no poet but she knew firmly that he loved deeply.

“I am lucky to have your love Haldir” she whispered, facing him now.   
“It is I who is fortunate, meleth.”

They were kissing passionately now, with heat and vigour that they had not had since they were newlyweds. Lara tugged his shirt off impatiently. The pregnancy hormones had made her lust for her husband as of late. Haldir returned her affections with an equal amount of hunger. There was no reluctance in him (the healer had reassured them that couples’ relations were perfectly safe in her current condition). Her pregnant belly was but a minor hindrance, Lara led Haldir into the bedroom. Toby was outside playing, with the baby’s arrival imminent, they would not get a moment to themselves for weeks. They both felt the urgency as Lara practically ripped off her dress. Haldir gazed at her swollen breasts hungrily. She looked down at her figure, not the lythe beauty she normally was, and flushed with embarrassment at the sight of her stretch marks.

“You’re beautiful” Haldir insisted, “you’re glowing. Oh Lara, you complete me” he cried.   
It did not take much to bring her to the edge of desperation, she was wet already, could feel the ache between her legs. “Hal, please, I need this now” she begged. He obliged her immediately. Their positions were slightly different, her belly had to be accommodated, but it did not detract from the pure ecstasy that followed.


	19. Chapter 19

Lara’s back was aching, yet she continued to smile and chat with the guests. They were there, after all, to celebrate Lara and Haldir’s child. Inaya had gone all out for the blessing ceremony. The place looked like the baby theme had thrown up. Lara suppressed a giggle that morning as she saw the shocked expression on Haldir’s face when Inaya arrived at their flet carrying bags of decorations. Pastel colors, bows, flowers were now festooned on every possible surface. Even though Lara’s personal style was far more understated, she smiled warmly. Neither she nor Haldir had thought they would ever be at another blessing ceremony for their child again. She was going to enjoy every moment of it.

She felt Haldir’s hand on her back, strong, reassuring. “If you are tired, we can take a break” he whispered, concerned for her health.

“I’m fine, meleth. It’s our party after all” Lara answered.

The marchwarden placed a protective hand over her pregnant belly. “Your health is all that matters, if you need to lie down…” he offered.

Lara flashed him a disarming smile. “Hal, really, I’m not going to break.” Her husband nodded, understanding she was really fine. He put his hands up in surrender, “I know better to upset my pregnant wife.” Lara could not help but laugh.

“Mary!” Lara exclaimed, spotting the human couple in the crowd.

“Lara, you are glowing. I’m glad to see you are well” Mary said warmly.

“I’m so glad you came” Lara reciprocated.

The woman and the elleth stole away, to a private walk in the gardens surrounding the flet. “Are you tired? Is your back aching?” Mary asked, always so maternal.

“Both” Lara laughed, “but I am so happy that I’m wife child again. I- I wasn’t at the beginning. I was scared and I thought about…” she trailed off, suddenly serious.

“Don’t berate yourself too much Lara. Fear makes us unreasonable. What’s important is you and Haldir have worked your way through it. His eyes have been on you all day, making sure you don’t over exert yourself. It’s sweet” Mary said.

“We’ve found our way back to each other” Lara agreed. They chatted happily away.

“A toast, marchwarden!” Luke said jovially, handing Haldir a glass of ale. After a large gulp, Luke continued. “Do you wish for another son or a daughter? If you want my opinion, sons are much simpler. I was positively terrified when my girl was born. Didn’t know what to do with myself!”

“Lara wants a daughter” Haldir offered. She wanted a girl badly. It was obvious to her husband. He had seen how her gaze lingered over the pink blankets, tiny dresses when they went shopping. She would never admit it, insisting they buy gender neutral baby things. They opted not to find out the gender of their child. Haldir had no preference for a son or daughter, they were equal in the eyes of the elves. Lara did not want to know the gender to save herself the disappointment. Haldir hoped she would love their child regardless, for he knew he would.

“Meleth, let me clean up” Haldir insisted, taking the dishes from Lara. The last guests had left and the couple didn’t have the heart to ask their family to stay any longer to clean up (though Inaya had tried).

“Perhaps I should be pregnant more often” Lara said slyly.

Haldir only smiled and shooed her out of the kitchen. Before she turned around, she raised her voice and took on a stern tone. “Toberion, you better NOT be playing with your Ada’s bow. You KNOW you are not supposed to touch Ada’s weapons!” Her eyebrows raised in satisfaction as she heard Haldir’s bow be noisily set down by her son.

“Sorry Nana” the guilty elfling said.

“Go do your reading in your room” Lara ordered. Haldir chuckled. His wife was most definitely not to be trifled with at this stage of pregnancy. Lara sighed and went to put her swollen feet up on the sofa.

Haldir put the dishes away, Shyly, the marchwarden reached into his pocket. He had been waiting for a chance all day. He walked in front of her and got down on one knee. Lara was wearily rubbing her belly and looked up in surprise. He produced a small box, warm from spending the day so close to him.

Carefully, she took the box from her husband. It opened easily. She caught a glint of silver before the object came in to view. A small charm, in the shape of the infinity loop lay in the box. 

“It’s not a grand as your other jewels” Haldir said uneasily, “but I thought you’d like the symbol. The mortals use it…”   
“It means eternity, no endings and no beginnings, like our love” Lara finished for him. He knew she was well educated in the languages of men and would understand.

She kissed him, putting all her love into it. He wove his arms around her, eventually resting them over her abdomen, cradling her bump. “I love you. I love our family” he promised. She knew he meant it completely.

Their moment was brought to an end with a knock on the door. Haldir groaned breaking the kiss, helping Lara settle in a comfortable position on the sofa before going to the door. Lara heard the deep voices speak briskly, with military precision. She had been married to the marchwarden long enough to know it was a sentry, and the border patrols were the topic of discussion. Slowly, she got to her feet and waddled to the front door. She arrived just as Haldir closed the door with a heavy sigh.

“You’re needed at the borders” Lara said, without having to ask. She eyed him as she leaned against the wall.

Haldir nodded curtly, “Aye, the northern patrols engaged a small band of orcs this morning. They were dealt with easily but orcs usually travel in larger packs. There is concern there may be more. The guards in those parts are new, untested. I need to go and inspect the defences myself.”

“When do you leave?” she asked.

“Tomorrow” he answered. It was short and honest, no frills, no untruths. Just as he was.

With Lara also, there was no drama, no complaining. “How long?”

“A few days at the most”

She simply nodded, “I just had your travel cloak laundered. I’ll help you pack.” She was already getting his travel satchel out of the closet. They were an efficient team, working quickly to ensure all of his provision were made ready.

“Lara, are you alright? Is the baby coming?” Orophin asked, for what seemed like the tenth time. He had only been at the flet for an hour. He seemed to think that any movement on his sister in law’s part was a sign she was in labor. This last time though, she had winced at some false labor and Orophin had practically jumped out of his seat to rush to her.

“Phin, when I’m in labor, rest assured I will inform you and I won’t be subtle about it” Lara replied. Orophin’s face visibly relaxed.

“Sorry Lara. I promised Hal I would look after you while he’s away. He’ll have my hide if anything happens to you” he said sheepishly.

“You plan on staying here the whole time?” she asked.

“I’ll sleep on the sofa” Orophin reasoned. She sighed, who was she to stand in the way of an ellon carrying out a promise to his brother. It would crush him if she didn’t let him. At least it was very temporary, Haldir was only supposed to be away a few days. But with Lara so close to her due date, he was obviously not taking any chances. She knew he had left very reluctantly. She didn’t begrudge him for leaving, and she made sure he knew it. He was carrying out his duty, protecting Lorien – protecting her and Toby.

Three days later, Lara would be glad Orophin had been camping out at her flet. She was washing dishes at the sink while Orophin tidied the living room. The contraction was sudden, catching her off guard, causing her to drop the plate as she doubled over. The shattering of the china in the sink caught Orophin’s attention.

“Phin, that was a contraction” she said through gritted teeth. She breathed deeply, willing her tense muscles to relax.

Her brother in law’s eyes widened. “Right, I’ll take Toby to Rumil’s and I’ll take you to the healing flets when I return.”

“If you could hurry” Lara said slowly, in between deep breaths.

Soon, the elfling had been bustled out of the flet by Orophin. Lara sank onto the floor, still clutching her bump. The elfling was kicking regularly, reassuring its mother. Orophin returned to the flet in a full out panic, bursting through the doors.   
“Lara! I’m here” he said breathlessly, helping her to her feet.

“Phin, my bag” Lara reminded him.

“Can you walk?” he asked.

“Yes, I think so. The contractions are intense but far apart” she bit back “for now” so as not to scare him.

Thankfully, there were no contractions on the walk to the healers. Once they arrived, Lara was led into the birthing room. Orophin made for the city gates immediately. Haldir was due back imminently, his brother would meet him upon his return.

Lara took a deep breath as she looked around the room. She hadn’t been there since Toby arrived. She shook the memories of her lonely, painful birth from her mind. She had expected to return to welcome her second child. She tossed those sad memories out too. No, today would be a day of joy. She would complete her third pregnancy in this room today (or more likely tomorrow). She groaned as a contraction worked its way through her. She was shaking in pain, gripping the blanket on the bed in her fists.

“My lady Lara” the healer said, entering the room. He knew at the look on her face that labor had started. “How far apart are the contractions?”

“I’m not sure, quite far still, but very painful” she breathed. Her brow was already beaded with sweat. The healer was accompanied by a midwife, who had already begun unpacking the necessary supplied.

The healer directed her to lie down and she spread her legs so he could check her progress. “5 centimeters, head down” he reported.

She smiled in relief. A breech birth would have been much harder. “Try to relax Lara, you still have a long ways to go. Your membranes have no even ruptured yet.”

“Yet it feels as I am being ripped apart” Lara reported, grunting.

“It is childbirth, my lady. You will forget it all as soon as you hold your elfling” the healer said.

Haldir knew something had happened the moment he arrived at the city gates and saw his brother awaiting him instead of his wife. Before the marchwarden could open his mouth, Orophin relayed the message “Lara’s in labor. Just started about an hour ago.” His brother did not have the chance to say more as Haldir took off towards the healers flets.

“Lara, focus on your breath. Breathe deeply” the midwife said patiently. Lara leaned against the wall, willing herself through the contraction. Not only was she dealing with labor pains, she was also incredibly nauseated. A slight wind from the doorway was all it took for her to vomit. Luckily, the midwife was ready with a basin. Unable to handle both contractions and an upset stomach, Lara sank to her knees, tears streamed down her face.

“Meleth, you’re alright” her husband’s voice floated in to her mind. She would have thought she was hallucinating had she also not felt his cool hands rubbing her tense back.

“Hal, you’re back. I’m quite a mess” she said feebly.   
He laughed. “Nay, you’re beautiful. Come, let me help you back to bed” he said, catching the silent directions of the midwife.

“You came straight from the patrol?” she asked, noticing for the first time her husband still had his uniform on. “You should go home and clean up, get some rest. I’ll be fine. This is going to last for hours.”

Haldir raised his eyebrows. “There is no way in middle earth I’m leaving you Lara. You’re stuck with me, the ellon who did this to you.”

Lara would have laughed had another contraction not caused her to scream and bring her knees towards her midsection. Haldir winced and looked helplessly at the midwife.

“Marchwarden, good to see you again” the healer said, as he re-entered the birthing room.

“Is there not something she can have for the pain?” Haldir asked, distressed at his wife’s agony.

“No, captain. Unfortunately, the numbing agents used in the battlefield cannot be used in childbirth for the little ones would be greatly affected” the healer declined regretfully.

Lara was expecting another exam, and she had already parted her legs. “Closer, 7cm” the healer announced. “Lara, I’m going to break your waters. This will speed things up.”

She took a deep breath and found Haldir’s hand to clutch. It was quick, a small pin prick sensation and a gush of warm fluid flowed from between her legs.

“Better use the washroom while you still have a chance” the midwife suggested.

“I’m not sure I can walk” Lara said.

“Let me help you up, I’ll take you” Haldir said automatically.

“Are you sure?” Lara asked, hesitating. “It might be, rather messy”

“You’re my wife, I could never mind Lara” he answered easily.

The pressure in her bladder was unbearable now, the baby was so low it was pressing hard upon it. Lara was past all self dignity and didn’t care what her handsome husband might see. They slowly made their way to the bathroom. After relieving herself, she duly threw up again. Haldir didn’t even flinch at the various unpleasant body fluids emerging from her. He patiently pulled her hair back, wiped her mouth and helped ease her back into bed.

Another contraction began to work its way through her, but this time it was different. Lara felt an urge to bear down. “I need to push” she reported breathlessly.

The healer and midwife positioned her legs for this very effort. “Go ahead and push with the next one, my lady”

Lara did not have to be told twice. She vaguely noted her husband keenly counting along with the midwife as she pushed. Finally, the healer calmly informed her that her baby’s head could be seen.

“Blond hair, just like his brother” Haldir murmured. Lara found his excitement endearing. Gathering her strength, she mustered one last push. She knew it was over as she felt the child slide out of her. The infant began to cry almost immediately. The sound was a relief to her as she collapsed back onto the bed.

“Marchwarden, would you like to cut the cord?” the healer asked, practically shouting over the baby’s indignant cries.

Haldir cast one last glance at his wife, making sure she was well before walking towards the foot of the bed. With tears in his eyes, he cut the cord that separated his child from his beloved. The elfling was quickly swaddled and then handed its mother.   
“A son my Lady. Congratulations” the healers said, smiling for the first time.

Lara looked at her second born son in wonder. The infant had his father’s blue eyes, shared with his older brother. His head was covered in fine, light hair. The child regarded her for a moment and then yawned, tired for the great ordeal of being born.

“Meleth, I know you wanted a daughter” Haldir said carefully.

Wiping a loose tear from her cheek, she looked at her husband. His eyes shone with joy. “It matters not. He’s so beautiful. So perfect” she gushed, placing a gentle kiss on the baby’s brow. The sun had set, it was deep in to the night now, but the light and energy in the birthing room seemed strong and bright.

The afterbirth was removed with Lara hardly noticing. Then, the parents were left alone to bond with their new baby. The child started to fuss, sensing his hunger, Lara brought him to her breast. He began to suckle immediately and enthusiastically. “Just like Toby” she murmured, smiling. Haldir chuckled and watched with amazement as his son fed.

The couple decided to get a few hours of sleep before the rest of the family would arrive in the morning to greet the new addition. Haldir had refused to leave them, preferring to sleep on the cot in the room while the baby dozed in a bassinet.

  
Lara awoke in the very early hours of the morning with a terrible throbbing headache. She could barely keep her eyes open as the first rays of sunlight peaked across the horizon into the room. Inexplicably, the nausea was back. Casting a glance at her peacefully sleeping husband and newborn, she carefully got to her feet and crept out of the room. The attendants at the station looked up in surprise.

“My Lady, is something wrong?”

“I’d like something for pain, I have a terrible headache” Lara said, slurring her words a little as the pain was so intense. She reached out to steady herself at the station.

The attendant, alarmed at how pale the patient seemed hesitated. “Let me fetch the healer, my lady.”

“There’s no need…” Lara could not finish the sentence for she felt the rising tide of nausea. Panicked, she reached for the nearest basin and threw up again. She could only lock eyes with the newly arrived healer before she fell to the ground.

Haldir awoke bleary eyed to commotion from outside the room. He leaned over and checked on his newborn son, who was beginning to stir from the noise. Suddenly, the door banged open.

“Get her into the bed” the healer ordered. The marchwarden watched in horror as his wife was carried into the room.

“She’s seizing. Bring me the herbs in box 631 – the anticonvulsants” the healer called out urgently. 

“Lara! Lara, can you hear me? Open your mouth Lara” the healer shouted. “Come now!” But Lara was not able to cooperate.

“Force it open if you have to. We need to get the medication into her” the healer demanded.

The baby was crying now, sensing the distress in the room. “Marchwarden, you need to take the elfling out of the room. It’s not good for the infant” one of the attendants said. She moved to urge Haldir to do so quickly. He had to be practically pushed out of the room. As the door closed, he heard a voice call out “she’s not breathing!”


	20. Chapter 20

“Haldir! Congratulations, a healthy son!” Orophin was awaiting him outside the birthing room. He had just arrived to see his new nephew. The bright smile on his face faded immediately when he saw the look on the elder brother’s face. “Haldir? Is something the matter? Is it Lara?” he asked, gazing towards the door where his brother had just emerged.

A healer’s attendant exited the room and approached the brothers.

“Captain Haldir, the healer asked that I give you an update” she hesitated, glancing at Orophin.

“My brother, you may speak in front of him” Haldir quickly explained.

“Captain, your wife reported a headache early this morning. She came out of the room for something to ease the pain. Before we could attend to her, she collapsed. She’s been having seizures since. It’s a rare complication of pregnancy, caused by very high blood pressure.”

“Is it dangerous?” Orophin interjected.

“Yes, it can be. For Lady Lara, she has been unable to take proper breaths and that is life threatening. The healer bid me tell you that everything possible is being done but…” the attendant hesitated again.

“But what?” Orophin demanded.

“Lady Lara might not survive. She’s not breathing properly. I’m so sorry.” the attendant finally said.

Orophin cast an anxious glance at his brother. Haldir’s face was impassive. In his arms, the elfling fidgeted. Ever so stoic, Haldir handed the infant to his brother. And made for the door to re-enter the room where his wife was. Calmness had deserted the room. It was complete chaos. Attendants rushed to and fro to bring supplies. Orders were shouted and verified. An atmosphere of fear and anxiety dominated. Haldir saw his wife on the bed, eyes closed, unresponsive. It struck fear into his heart. He was losing her, he could feel her presence ebbing away through their bond.

Haldir would not lose his wife. Not like this. Not without a fight. He moved to hold her hand. It was limp in his. He brought it to his lips and placed a gentle kiss.

“Meleth, it’s me. You cannot leave. Not yet. Your time isn’t finished. Find your way back to me. I’m here.” He said to her through their bond. Would she hear it?

_Lara looked around, confused. She wasn’t in the healing telan anymore. Her pain was gone. She was dressed in a pristine white gown. The imperfections of her body from childbearing and birth had been erased. The place was familiar. It took her a moment but she realized she was in her childhood home. The large telan just as it had been when she was a child. Feeling eyes upon, she turned around and saw her parents on the sofa in the bright and airy living room. Tears prickled in her eyes as she saw they were cradling a tiny bundle,wrapped in a pink blanked._

_“Nana, Ada?” Lara._

_“Meleth, my darling” her father stood to greet her. A tight hug and kiss later, she saw her mother also stood and was slowly walking over, careful not to disturb the infant in her arms.  
“Is that?” Lara dared not ask, for fear that it might cause it not to be true. _

_“Your daughter” her mother answered for her._

_Lara let out a small cry as the baby was put into her arms. The daughter she never had the opportunity see, let alone hold. The child she had carried for 8 months but never got to say goodbye to. Ten perfect fingers and toes. Her father’s eyes. Lara’s mouth._

_“What will you call her?” Lara asked._

_“It’s not for us to name her Lara. You’ve already named her.” Her father chuckled._

_Of course her parents would know. She had always wanted a daughter. She had had a name chosen for years. “Nala” she breathed, remembering it._

_“She is not lost to you, Lara” her mother explained._

_Lara tore her gaze off her daughter for a moment. “She is here, with us. You will see her again in valinor.”_

_“She’ll be all grown” Lara said._

_“She will know her mother and father love her” the grandmother said._

_“What if I wish to stay with her?” Lara asked defiantly, feeling like she would not be able to let the baby in her arms go._

_“You can stay if you wish. The choice is yours. But you have much to go back to. Trust me, there is much that you have yet to accomplish. Children that need you” her father entered her conversation._

_Lara could feel Haldir reaching to her through their bond. He was asking her to return him. To their sons. There was another a newborn who needed her. She felt her baby son’s uncertainty, confusion that he could no longer feel his mother’s warmth and love. She knew she needed to go back, for all of them. Very reluctantly, she handed Nala back to her parents._

“Come on! Lara, breathe!” the healer shouted in frustration. The medication had been given many minutes ago, yet the patient showed no signs of improvement.

Suddenly, she gasped for air. Coughing, she groaned and her eyes opened. She began to move her limbs trying to get her bearings. The attendants rushed to calm her. In the flurry of activity, Haldir was pushed to the back of the room, separating their hands from each other. Despite the numerous healers and attendants around her, Lara turned her gaze towards her husband. A tear slid down his face, accompanied by an expression immeasurable relief. 

Lara was fussed over for the next two days, subjected to many awful tasting medications and uncomfortable tests. A constant presence beside her was Haldir. He caring for the baby and caring for her. She knew he must be exhausted, yet nothing could convince him to go home for a rest. When the healers were satisfied with her return to health, the couple were finally given an afternoon without intrusions.

Lara chuckled as her newborn son suckled eagerly at her breast. She had been unable to breastfeed for the past 2 days, and she was glad to return to this task. “He suckles just like Toby did” she said, with a smile.

“He has missed his nana” Haldir said, reflecting a smile of her own. “You gave us quite the scare.”

“Well the healers were quite clear that my childbearing days are over” Lara said wryly.

“How do you feel about it?” Haldir asked.

“We have two beautiful elflings to raise. I am so grateful for that. I am contented” she smiled. “Though, we do need to name this little one.” She would let Haldir take the lead.

“I liked Callon when we discussed it” Haldir ventured.

Lara leaned in to him for a kiss, which her husband readily gave. “I like it. Callon it is” she said decidedly. She placed a soft kiss on Callon’s brow. He responded with a hard suckle, causing her to wince.

“He has quite the attitude” Haldir remarked.

“I supposed I only have myself to blame” Lara said.

“Well he did not get it from me” Haldir teased.

Lara’s expression turned serious. “Toberion, Callon, and…Nala” she whispered the last name.

“It’s a beautiful name for our daughter” Haldir said. “I know it’s the one you always liked.”

“I saw her, Haldir. When I was unconscious. I held her…and she was beautiful” Lara cried. Haldir was crying too. “She was with my parents. She will know we loved her, wanted her.”

She reached for his hand and he took it, pressing a kiss into it.

“You have a little brother Toby” Haldir said, as he led the child into the birthing room. It was three days later than they had anticipated, but Haldir was infinitely glad this moment was happening at all. Lara smiled as Toby climbed onto the bed and peered into the bundle in her arms.

“His name is Callon” Lara introduced.

“He’s so small” Toby observed.

“He’ll be bigger soon. Then you’ll be able to play with him” Lara smiled. Toby crawled into her free arm and she cuddled both her sons.

“Toberion and Callon. How many times do I have to tell you not to move my papers! Would one of you like to confess?” Lara lectured sternly. She had come home to find the papers she had painstakingly arranged the night before in complete disarray on her desk. Two pairs of big blue eyes, identical to her husband’s, stared back at her. The younger of the pair was looking distinctly more guilty.

“Sorry Nana. The letters were just so beautiful, I couldn’t help looking at it” Callon said. Lara was very well aware he was giving her best puppy-dog eyes in hopes of escaping punishment.

“Looking is fine, but you know better than to disturb the scrolls. Some of them are thousands of years old and very delicate” Lara answered. Her younger son was the studious one, and she wanted to encourage his curiosity.

“I told him not to do it Nana” Toby said. Lara was all too familiar with her first-born’s tactics.

“And what were you doing while your brother was looking at the scrolls? Is that your Ada’s spare bow with the string broken?” Lara said, raising her eyebrow.

Now her older son was the one attempting the puppy dog eyes. “I only wanted to practice so I can show Ada when he gets back.”

“Ada’s weapons are off limits, you know that.” Her eldest was most definitely going to be a soldier and carry on the family tradition.

“Sorry nana” Toby apologized.

The two elflings looked at their mother expectantly awaiting their punishment. “Dish duty, both of you, for the next 2 weeks” Lara handed their sentence down. “And Ada will be finding out about this when he comes home tomorrow.” At that moment, Lara was incredibly jealous of Inaya. Her sister in law’s two daughters, who enjoyed playing the harp and embroidery. What she wouldn’t give for the peace and quiet that must be their home. Though, in a few years when the girls reached adolescence, it would likely be Inaya who wished for sons.

Lara knew as soon as she saw the first soldiers reach the city gates that something unexpected had happened in their mission. Their faces were grim and their heads were bowed in grief. Fear gripped her heart. She knew Haldir was still alive, she felt him through their bond, but she couldn’t know if he had been injured until she laid eyes on him. As usual, he was the last to pass through the gates, only entering when the rest of his company had. She saw his cloak was draped over something he held in his arm. It must’ve been fragile for he took great care with the bundle. Lara gasped when she realized it was a child, cold and scared, clinging to Haldir’s leg and refusing to let go.

“It’s alright little one, we’re in the city now. No one will harm you here” Haldir reassured the elfling. He stood up to face his wife and sons, who now stood before them, obviously curious.

“We came upon a group of elves, waylaid by orcs. She was the only survivor. She’d been hidden within a hollow tree” Haldir explained.

“Is she alright?” Lara asked. The child had not said a word. She was covered head to toe in dirt. It seemed a breeze might knock her over.

“Our field medic did a basic exam, it seems she escaped without any serious injury. I must give report to the Lord and Lady” Haldir said.   
“I’ll take her home with us. She needs a bath, food and a good sleep.” Lara said immediately.   
Haldir nodded. “I will let you know what plans the Lord and Lady make for her.” He then knelt in front of the elleth. “I must go now, but my wife Lara will take care of you. These are my sons, Toberion and Callon.” The child seemed to consider the proposition for a moment and then loosened her grip on Haldir ever so slightly. It was enough for Lara to gently guide the child towards her.


End file.
